i am such a dumbass.
2005-04-18 - 7:34 p.m.
i'm about to do something really stupid, so stupid that it's worrying me. the brake job on my car didn't work out, and there's only one place in the area that has the parts i need. there is a pad on the driver's side worn to the steel which is irreplaceable without the rest of the assembly, and i can't find anyone who would drive me there so that i could get there before it closed. i'm driving down 87 from troy to exit 20 and back and expect it to be no more than three hours before i update/delete this post, or call mitch. and yes, i know what day it is, purely coincidental, though i might not have worried as much about this if today were not today (and thus would not have written this). love you.
Post Sanctum: so, turns out the place wasn't open when i got there, meaning i will likely re-attempt this stunt on wednesday.
may03. last day of classes, spring 2005. on the way back home between classes, i cried a tear, for math. i'd shown a theory of mine to my complex algebra teacher about a method for finding serieses of numbers (with the intended application of finding ith digits of irrationals), and he told me both that he didn't understand it and that it was completely useless. really, all i wanted him to say was that it was interesting. i would have bee satisfied, overjoyed, to hear that from him, because he is a very intelligent person with a PhD in mathematics, and he seems to Like everything math related. instead, he responded with something equivalent to "who do you think you are, john mikeovich?". for the record, i never said i was intelligent. but i Believe stupid people can have interesting thoughts. i also Believe that just because you can prove that a peicewise function is more efficient than a composite function over a couple extremely simple data sets, does not imply that the idea is completely useless. when i arrived home i cried five more, for the iteration of jason which would have graduated soon, if he would have only existed. i hate SUNY the way mitch hates troy [excepting that i can escape from it when i need to].
it was expressed by me at some point that i [as a student] am about as useful as a mexican fruit picker with his hands cut off. simple really, i just need to grow hands. despite this revelation, i seem to have chopped off the end of my scholarly stubs on may13, when i finally gave up on the stupid book report for complex algebra. the summer has begun, SUNY is behind me and i can see clumsy attempts at flyfishing in my near future.
may01. while driving down I-787 on my way into troy, the SAAB snapped. the bottom mounting bolt was missing, and the 1-inch thick steel mount for the top bolt had broken in two places. the caliper rotated around with the rotor for a short distance and hung there while i drove it most of the rest of the way home. at some point, the brakes seized up because i was leaking brake fluid in a steady stream. i blame a self-activating e-brake as the culprit, but really i may never know. on may 5, i drove the car 200 miles in circles of nowhere, all over the center of NY state for fun, and gave her the name 'Shallow Blue'. on may 6, on oakwood on my way to I-87S to return SAAB parts, a chunk of the frame attatched to the ti rod broke loose. the tire went 45 degrees sideways, and the cop pointed out on his yellow pad that the car was overdue for an inspection. i simply don't know what i would have done, if anyone had gotten hurt. so, i'm looking for a car. a whole one.
For Future Reference: the real name of The Red Baron was Rittmeister Manfred von Richthofen.
boyancy is a funny thing. the best explaination says that it's a force that results from the difference in densities between two materials in a container, exerted on the lighter mass by the heavier mass, in a direction exactly opposite that of gravity. but then, if you put a bit of cork at the bottom of a pan and then filled the pan with water, such that there is no water underneath the cork, how can the water exert a force on the cork in an upward direction, since there is no water under it? thus, one must conclude that if indeed the water is the one exerting the force on the cork, then the water must be pulling the cork up, directly away from the force of gravity. a repulsive form of gravity, i say.
i recieved a box on the steps of my apartment on the 20th of april, and nearly had a heart attack because i thought i might have ordered something online. fortunately, there were no bounced checks, for the box contained a gift. a book wrapped in bright invisible green wrapping paper, informing me that there are people that love me, too.
Related Sidenote: i've spent today at work trying to reconcile(sp?) with my religion. for the record, i have never had a problem per-se with my religion, but i can see how it may be perplexing to others, whom this reconcilliation is really intended for. i have stated that for me, religion is a source of entertainment, comparable to attending a film in a theatre, going to a high school dance, or getting completely sloshed and meeting people you really don't know or willn't remember in the morning (obviously, different religions of the world are closer to one of these analogies or another). if one owns a book on a topic of religion it does not mean that they neccesserily believe in it, nor is this ownership a sufficient condition for propogating the religion (and just because it is by definition not a religion does not mean that athiesm cannot also be propigated using the typical fear/reinforcement tactics of religions). if a man has a bible in his bathroom, do you infer from this that he is a devout christian who cannot be without this text for any length of time, or do you infer that he's run out of toilet paper and has found a cheap substitute? how are you to know that both are not true? you can infer nothing, becasue it is just a book. and books are to entertain, just as a hole is to dig. i was raised in a church, yes, and i thought it a waste of time to go, but since step-mother is a minister we were always bribed/coherced into going as children. now that i'm older i still think it a waste of time to go, but when i happen to be at my parents on other business (like christmas vacation) i likewise don't see any reason not to go, because the time has already been wasted. as a child i was a mischievous brat in church, and i gain some enjoyment from watching children in church produce much of the same sorts of behaviours [sometimes similar hand signals!] (because all children have an inherent inability to sit still for a complete hour, and actually sit less still when you tell then they can't make loud noises or move). i am not a believer of any religion, asside from my possesion of a plastic bucket of contradictory, inherently fallacious and unorganized shinny rocks i've found on the beach, without which i could not consider myself agnostic. i would consider myself a religious person, however undevoted, because i do realize that i have faith. mostly, i sense this realization when i'm driving 90kph between pointA to pointB, and i want to consider passing a mack truck around a 40kph left turn over a double yelow. faith in skill, faith in the non-existence of passing animals and deaf children and oncomming traffic, faith in the mechanical operations of my vehicle, faith in that little voice that tells me if what i'm about to do will hurt or not. practical confidence or bullshit, by other names smells just as sweet.
for my birthday, i got an answering machine. it's a little white box that spoons with my phone all day, and says whatever i tell it to. here are some things i told it to say:
"sir, the klingons are hailing us again, do you think it's another prank call? [beep]"
"really, the security gaurds made up that entire thing about vibrating bombs. [beep]"
"dude, and like, in amsterdam, even the cops are all chilled out. like instead of going woo-woo-woo they just go- [beep]"
"honk if you'll still be horny when i get this message. [beep]"
"webster's dictionary, answering machine: a device that beeps, expecting more than a click in return. [beep]"
"they appear to be using a very primitive version of morse code- [beep]"
"how do i know if this thing is on is on 'stun' or 'kill'? [beep]"
