timeless:
2004-03-28 - 10:10 a.m.
...the idea of an idea or object that has the property of a lack of a predefined history.
it was a brief case i received from a dead man. filled with my life. i always find it interesting to open, like it's someone else's past, a past so forgotten that it's unrecognizable...the VHS of the film 'PI'. a small clay pot with the inscription "SD '99". two floppy disks containing the majority of my writing in digital form. original hard copies of all my childhood writing (before i knew about the existence of computers). blank flashcards and childhood pictures. 'zines. chinese ink and bamboo brushes. batteries and a flashlight for under-the covers reading. hard copy of the Barebones Guide to HTML. gameboy advanceSP (with Legend of Zelda and Final Fantasy Tactics). a copy of 'RECUEIL DE PRIERES'.
Tip#30: if you threaten to threaten someone, does that count as a threat?
i thought i had found my lack of motivation. i grabbed onto it and shook the shit out of it, and then wasn't sure if that was entirely what i had just shaken the shit out of, so i let it go. There is a chasm of a fine line between the donoter [do-not-er: one who does not] that says "i have until tomorrow morning to get this work done", who allows others to set his deadlines for him. and the doer who sets his own deadlines, "i must have this done by tomorrow morning".
experiencing reality for short periods of time these past two weeks. my mind is dabbing it's toes on the edge of unknown waters. especially textures of things had become Clear to me for a couple minutes here and there, in the manner of 'wow that patch of grass looks rather...*absently wonders if the grass is brushing slowly against his eyes, rather than just sending photomessages to it*'. i think i have stated before how i sometimes see the size of things based on how much i Know them. I could get it to work more often when i was a child, i guess it's not that important of a style of perception, so it's since fallen from everyday use. i used to delight in how this perception changed people; orators were probably the most effected. at the beginning of a speech the person would seem larger than their actual size, and at the end of their speech they would have returned to a normal size, but usually with a disproportionately shrunken head. now, i do it more with places; buildings and streets that i've walked on (as opposed to driven on). Anyway, I had one of these perceptions on campus last week, walking back to the parkinglot, a familiar path. And i'm not sure if this sense of seeing size as a separate entity is part of a reality that is more true than the normal person sees, or is simply not true at all. It's undescribably hard to make these sorts of distinctions.
on similar lines, i would argue that all people have/use telepathy; something so casually used by children cannot be something which simply does not occur in large chunks of the population. But if a person were to ask me if i believe in ESP, i would have to deny it/them, mostly for entertainment value...it's not rocket science and it's not science fiction. humans as animals have experiences which cause 'moods' and these moods are picked up by members of the same species as the same mood, because they have common moods and experiences as member of the species. a current induces a magnetic field induces a current.
saturday. i went on a deep inner journey and found something out about myself. my hair is highly flammable.
neologism..."jingo": there's jargon (words specific to a field). there's jingles (the music of advertisement). and there's lingo (words specific to a group of people). you do the math.
