the forwhile loop
2015-07-04 - 11:26 a.m.

14apr: conversation with A lost in translation.
18apr: pie with dan, rebecca, liora, mitch, juni, non-russian alex, and a host of nameless ones. alex was interesting because he’s playing some mishmash of dragonstrike and heroquest (aptly called herostrike or dragonquest, i can’t remember which). mitch taught me how to throw a frisbee.
18apr: afterparty with voo, crystal, jess, chris, adam, stephanie, and juni.
19apr: completed clash of heroes and hard-boiled wornderland and the end of the world. neither had a particularly catchy ending. mum called, smokey (her youngest cat) was run over. dad called, he didn’t get the business loan he was looking for, but is probably better off without it.
20apr:pizza with brayden and katya.
25apr: new england festival with katya and brayden. accidently dropped brayden on his head. he didn’t get hurt and didn’t cry but i’m not sure being a parent is really my thing.
26apr: drinks with juni.
07may: running on the playground with katya, brayden, and “brayden's sister”.
9may: wedding of cat and rob with dave, barb, sam, lar(ry), tim, and parents.
16may: went up to maine to get a speeding ticket and a winter-resistant rose bush for mum’s front yard. mum seemed happy but unusually hyper, thinking faster than she could speak, mixing one number with another (saying "16-2, 16-4" in cribbage instead of "15-2, 15-4" but adding to 15 correctly), dropping the subjects from her sentences, and generally had the attention span of a five-year-old. occasionally she makes up things, but i think this is because she’s trying to be entertaining by saying the first thing that comes into her head. last week she stole the cat from greg’s workplace, and his boss wasn’t too happy about it. re-evaluation scheduled for monday, currently on haldol. may be pretending that everything is fine so that they won’t witch her back to zyprexa, which gave her really bad stomach cramps.
18may: mum admitted herself to the hospital, after starting a fight at her brother's house and stealing a car.
19may: fed the machines. millie’s with malifaux, penny press, german nadia, corbin, mike, adam, mark, matt, and tim.
25may: museum of fine arts and cheesecake in the park with nadia.
30may: tripyramids with mitch and juni turned into foreverxxi and cheesecake with juni.
02jun: silver linings playbook with katya.
13jun: indian food and some sort of Weißbier with jessica. her brother went into a medically-induced coma.
21jun: helping brayden learn to ride a bike. appropriate activity for father's day.
26jun: bike with brayden part 2. she asked if i could make a statement to the court that she and i are "just friends".
28jun: kicked out of shaws for buying coke.
30jun: dragon dice four-way with ben, ariel, kyle, autumn, and pool with maria. two beers is my limit. after that i start talking to people.
02jul: nasty letter from NH saying that if i keep speeding they will take my license. nasty letter from MA saying that my car is no longer registered. nice letter from my car insurance saying that I was getting a reduced rate for not having been in a car accident in 10 years.
03jul: mum checked herself out of the hospital.
04jul: fireworks with june and mitch.
06jul: fed the machines.
26jun: battlecat service, 690 miles.
04jul: fireworks with june and mitch, misplaced key to battlecat.
01aug: bar-b-que with mitch, mike, matt, scott, emma, and kayta devolved into a bomberman tournament, followed by quesadillas at the tavern and crashing at her place.
04aug: billiards with ellen or ashley. forgot to get a good look at her big girl boots.
09aug: can’t sleep. 11aug: lunch with nadya and olivia.
15aug: katya.
21aug: car service.
25aug: millie’s.
27aug: nadya.
29aug: juni.
14sep: battlecat kidnapped, 890 miles.
15sep: rage.
16sep: rage.
17sep: rage.
18sep: rage.
19sep: rage.
20sep: kittens. also, rage.
21sep: rage.
22sep: rage.
23sep: rage.
24sep: rage.
25sep: rage.
26sep: rage.
27sep: did not have tea with prominent motorcycle gang members. in hindsight, this was definitely a good turn of events.
02oct: 99 restaurant with katya, brayden, and brayden’s babysitter.
07oct-20oct: headache, right occipital intermittent dull 1/10 to 2/10 pain, localized, feeling of high pressure in right eye, aspirin had no effect, varying levels of hydration had no effect, massage had no effect.
07oct: UPL training.
08oct: UPL training.
11oct: carnival with katya and brayden.
13oct: euthanized battlecat. (translation: sold my stolen motorcycle to progressive).
14oct: one headlight bulb for car.
16oct: lunch with olivia. at some point she made the transition from my workout buddy to life guru. mostly she reminds me that my puppy count is dangerously low, and i need to have sex with many more people.
16oct: lunch with nadya.
17oct: breakfast at mcgill's in clover SC. two town fairs with amanda, john, jazzy, and bronson.
18oct: drinks and late night talks with Dyani (17dec, breaking bad, lung cancer).
20oct: something clicked in the back of my head and the headache went away. most likely caused by long-term use of wrong prescription glasses and one inverted contact.
21oct: primary care checkup, urine and blood samples.
22oct: improv assylum with a passive-aggressive bouncer, rebecca, aneesh, and Dyani. so much fucking fun with Dyani.
25oct: 70s party for nicole's birthday, with katya.
26oct: car service.
27oct: phone sex with Dyani.
28oct: bought exercise balls at dick’s.
30oct: gun range, netflix and takumi with Dyani.
08nov: thai and beer with Dyani.
12nov: pulled shoulder/neck muscle really bad, could not tilt head toward right shoulder. took next day off sick, except that i went into work in the morning anyway. rice in a sock ended up being less effective then stretching in the shower.
15nov: redstone and pool with katya.
21nov: aunt and mum's birthdays, thanksgiving, christmas.
24nov: boss monster with mike, scott, and mitch. mike cloned himself 302 times. each of those clones, took (on average) 8.5 selfies.
28nov: museum of science with katya and brayden.
30nov: abducted by flying saucer.
07dec-13dec: MC4 commex.
08dec: one too many drinks with the waitress at the tilted kilt.
18dec: boston, once, and arcade with Dyani.
19dec: pedicure with katya.
28dec: lunch with olivia.
03jan: cheesecake factory with katya.
24jan: johnnyd’s (closing) with anne.
29jan: minor car accident en route to work. first time being at fault for a car accident: was skipping tracks on my spotify and should have been paying more attention.
31jan: shake shack with anne.
04feb: dentist.
05feb: dentist.
08feb: dentist.
09feb: dentist.
10feb: dentist.
13feb: drove katya to airport.
14feb: nothing says holidays like sitting around in your apartment while your roommate and his girlfriend annoy the shit out of you.
20feb: peruvian food with katya.
21feb: mt’s and ice castles with anne.
5mar: assembling ikea furniture with katya.
6mar: teaching dragon dice to anne.
10mar: fed the machines.
14mar: car repair.
12mar: drove roommate to the emergency room.

safe: an easily identified emotional feeling. in studies that were not actually conducted, 5 out of 5 americans were not able to identify "free" with an emotional state.
empathy: when you hear someone pooping and try to guess the shape.
“there is no subconscious, only lack of awareness.” –Nemo
“dear Microsoft. breath is the noun and breathe is the verb.” –Anon
“the best suggestions i have, are the ones i keep to myself.” –Nemo
“if you think that the membership fees at your grocery store are steep enough to keep out the riff-raff, you are the riff-raff.” –Anon

(i have this conversation about once a week)
Sir#1: pizza, pizza, cookie = 4$. pizza, pizza, cookie, fountain soda = 3$. so the soda costs negative 1$. can you just pretend that i'm going to get the soda, and charge me 3$?
Sir#2: sorry no, combination meal include soda.
Sir#1: but it costs your company money if i get a soda and then dump it down the sink. it's wasteful, and i don't want the soda.
Sir#2: sorry, soda like heroin, get people hooked, then tax shit out of it. already taxed in 33 states, 6% in maryland. you drink soda, tell neighbors that soda is awesome, they drink soda. everyone get fat and burden healthcare system. then more tax. then taxes needed to calculate taxes. then death tax. then post-death tax.
Sir#1: do you drink the soda?
Sir#2: no soda. i eat for free, buffet style. feed whole family. not pay taxes, but get paid less. not able save money, just like you after taxes. so you drink soda, we are the same, except you fat.
Sir#1: but i don't want the soda.
Sir#2: that cost 1$ more.

Sir#1 (as SheepScareMe): how do you do it, MrConfidantMan? please confide in me all your secrets of confidentiality!
Sir#2 (as MrConfidantMan): well, i've found that all situations come in two basic varieties: social situations, and scientiffic situations.
Sir#1 (as SheepScareMe): social situations, yes! how do you deal with those?
Sir#2 (as MrConfidantMan): every social situation is different, but they can almost universally be solved by applying the right mixture of compassion, awkwardness, and bodily fluid exchange. now, getting the concentrations right can be tricky, but most situations only require two of the three.
Sir#1 (as SheepScareMe): (about to take notes)...i don't get it.
Sir#2 (as MrConfidantMan): let's say someone asks you a question. the ideal solution response is to spit, then look at them and wait, until your saliva replenishes and you feel like spitting again. if the time lapse isn't awkward enough, you can try pulling on the parts of your head that extrude slightly from the general ovoid (ears, nose, chin), but the bottom line is, if they are still waiting for an answer by the time you are able to spit again, it's probably a question worth answering.
Sir#1 (as SheepScareMe): so you only need awkwardness and bodily fluids to answer questions? I have those! *scribbling venn diagrams and bar graphs for other potential social situations* ahhh, i think i get it... wait, how do you solve the scientific situations?
Sir#2 (as MrConfidantMan): brute force. there's an infinite number of numbers between 1 and 2, one of them HAS to be right, just try 'em all.

dream: attunement. note: there are lots of clips from each scene, that are deleted and then re-introduced later, as main starts to remember what happened, to ease this confusion, scenes are in CAPS. there was also constant bouncing between first and third person, odd for a dream. third person, Main is talking with Lead in the FOYER at a table, “this seems like a really good deal.” “yes. all you have to do is listen to the radio. you can’t have any other jobs while you are living here” “and the rent is free?” “yes. but before you sign the paperwork, you might want to test the radio out”…flashbacks to unrelated mundane things. first person, scramble of clips in MAIN’S ROOM, all silent, some ending with approaching the radio. while these clips are playing, there is an additional sensation, but not actually a voice, that convinces Main that he needs to modulate his to be . Lead never listens to the radio and Main is never seen touching or even reaching for the radio controls. flashbacks to the conversation with lead and an unsigned contract, the mundane outside of the building, etc. combination of first and third person, Main in the COURTYARD, talking with three (regular people), typical boring conversation. Main turns and starts climbing on an odd set of monkey bars shaped like a V on the top, where the bars start out very close together on the bottom of the V and get more spaced toward the top of each leg, and the whole thing is made of concrete handholds instead of iron bars. it stands by itself, nowhere near another building. Main is climbing in first person so all you can see is the concrete handholds, then he finds an angle where he can stick to the wall with his head down (all still first person) and starts going around corners which here not evident before, so it’s extremely hard to tell where he is in the structure. he ends up in a square concrete TUNNEL which is well-lit with no evident sources of light, and a giant spider in front of him. the thing which is not a voice explains to him that if he kills the spider he will gain its in this case, a poisonous bite. Main waves a wooden dagger (not sure if this was a straight double edge or a curved single edge) toward the spider…flashbacks to time spent in MAIN’S ROOM, similar to scramble before, no reaching for or touching the radio on the center of a desk, the only place in the room where the dust is disturbed, and a couple clips that show Main carving a note onto the corner of the wall with his fingernails: “DAYS:” but there are no tally marks following. scramble of first and third person clips with Main turning into a gooey ball, gooey fleshy masses everywhere. knowledge of sharp and dull pain, but they pass so quickly that they aren’t even perceived as pain, just the afterthought of pain. Main flails around and eventually the TUNNEL stops at a vent that goes into SECOND’S ROOM. combination of first and third person as he looks around the room. it’s exactly like MAIN’S room: slightly dusty, simple, bed and all other furniture completely undisturbed. none of the clips show a radio in the room. there’s a banging on the door in the FOYER, and Main goes down the stairs to check it out (first person). an angry man at the door is screaming “i know what you did! murderer! you can’t hide! etc.” while pressing photos to the glass. one photo shows chopped-up body parts of one of the in shrink-wrapped plastic, kind of like how cats come in shrink-wrapped bags for dissection classes. Main is scared and feels like he might start again but he unlocks and opens the door. just as he opens the door, Second comes up behind the angry man, makes one slice down the man’s back with a wooden dagger (straight double-edged) and the skin of the angry man. Second (in the skin of the angry man) turns and smiles. Main screams, shuts the door, and turns around to see Lead, who says “surely, you didn’t think you were the only one”…flashback to clips of SECOND’S ROOM, where a radio can be seen. combination of first and third person as Main wakes up in the COURTYARD with a bunch of other scattered (waking) people. Lead is nonchalantly dropping wooden daggers (curved single-edged) on the ground, and the situation quickly devolves into a battle royale. one person comes at Main swinging a dagger wildly, but he shows the assailant that he has a wooden dagger semi-concealed backwards on his forearm, as if that means they are on the same team. the assailant skips Main and continues to attack others, but there is no way of telling who is and who is not. can be seen on the other side of the COURTYARD, wielding giant metal blades. Main kills two people before reaching the walled edge of the COURTYARD and feels drunk and gooey, but now has a very long metal blade. The extra range gives him an advantage over others and the rest of the people run from him. over the short stone wall of the COURTYARD, one of the throws butcher knife (looks like it was made from parts of an oversized guillotine) discus-style toward Main, as seen from Main’s first person. end dream.

what was | soliloquy | the magic lamphouse | days of the old | Topics. | Revelations: | Luther:: | JLS (index)

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