Interview: everything you never knew you wanted to know about someone you don�t know
2003-12-09 - 2:30 a.m.
I was sitting (specifically, on my ars on my hands) yesterday, and figured that since I know so little about economy and �the real state of business affairs�, I might just be able to sum up what I do know in one sentence or less. Assume you are a company that makes a product (let�s call it tunabeef) and that there are necessary raw materials (tuna, mayo, and a package of beef-flavouring stolen from a package of Ramen (TM) noodles), services (the mixing of the raw materials, in this case, is necessary to producing a good tunabeef product, but �service� might just as well include repairing the product when it is damaged, but regardless of the type of service, inevitably gets too much you�re the company to afford, at which point it is advised to create signs bearing the keywords �self service� and �some assembly required�), and sales (which successful businesspersons like to mention are not arbitrary at all, in order to hide their own insecurities concerning themselves as competent businesspersons), so that as the company develops (any stage of corporate development is a process of standardizing the mechanics of the business so that even the smallest procedure (including the hiring and firing of employees, restrictions on language and proper attire while on the job, and �company decisions� in which the lower-ranking employees think that they are making a decision about the company, but instead you are busy re-doing what they have done while simultaneously trying to find a way to lower their hourly wage) has been documented in a step-by-step algorithm, which is done with the end-goal of keeping the employees stupid and insecure, while at the same time satisfied in their role of serving you, lest one of hem should recognize that he can gain half of the company by shagging or otherwise convincing your significant other into a divorce from you which causes the business to be split up into two equally malfunctioning chunks that will eventually have to be sold back to the devious employee, unless you make him manager, and even then it is still suggested that you run away to California to startup another tunabeef business in secret) and grows (any stage of corporate growth is a process of eating donuts while being entertained by lower-rank employees as they enumerate all the different permutations of the near future, given some amount of data that has nothing to do with the current situation of the tunabeef business, and graph these possibilities on large flow charts that would be obscenely easy to read, if had you done anything in college except drink beer), these three parts (product, service, and sales as mentioned above) of the company develop as well, according to the target audience (certain audiences, of course, are attracted to different types of advertisement, pictures of girls being observed to work well for the audience of �males� as well as the audience of �females�, while large blotches of colour (Ronald-McDonald-red being the most effective) and funny little characters are best suited for attracting younger audiences), the culture of the business environment (which includes the saturation of similar products in the market, as well as any legal restrictions and the overall need or value that the average person of that culture has for the product), and the nature of the ratio of first-buyers (who buy your product on a seemingly random whim) to second-buyers (who have already bought the product once, and were pleased) to third-buyers (the friends of the second-buyers) whom sales are most dependant on because every second-buyer you have can only consume a finite number of goods (especially in the case that tunabeef is something that each person need only consume once in their lifetime), but the friends of the second-buyer can consume many times more (especially considering that they can then become second-buyers), assuming they see the value in buying the product, and this would suggest that it is most important to show the second-buyer the �why� of the product, but in fact is much easier for a company NOT to explain �why tunabeef�, and instead work to try and explain �what tunabeef�, and the larger the company is, the more it will finds it needs to add disclaimers and notices and warnings and cautions and �pelle`gro�s to the packaging, in an effort to avoid falling under the shadow of a lawsuit, even though the later of this process, result in a no-win situation, for which you either leave room for your logo on the box, or you are sued simply for being the company that owns that trademark/name/popularity/household-terminology-status.
�Did you ever get beat up by someone while you were [both] sleeping?� �Nemo, checking for bruises
Evidently, there�s some sort of religious something-or-other concerning the Supreme Courtv vs God for Custody of America. While I don�t know what the issue is, it caused me to happen across a religious, one-sided* debate that declared to prove that the United States is a self-proclaimed �Christian Nation�. Some interesting points brought up:
�many countries have a declared faith, or at least a common faith, like all the middle-eastern �islamic nations�, and America should be no different just because we celebrate freedom (see: �intangible idolatry�).
�this country was settled by many persons who were predominantly Christian, and at one time was extremely Christian if you consider the percentage of the proclaimed itself so, and neglected to count the native americans as part of that population.
�money is the root of capitalism and we use money and create buildings in god�s name, by writing his name on it.
we deliver christianity to cultures that do not have it believe, so that they may follow us to the light and not be burnt up in the grand fire of the great below that is �The USA�s Top 10 Interests�. While all convincing arguments, I cannot definitely say that the majority of our population still thinks of itself as Christian, or that all those who do proclaim their faith with that particular word even know what it is that they are saying.
�Oww, ouch�Arg! Whoever invented cans, was like, the stoopidest thing!�oww�� �Nemo doing dishes
My love, she leaves a paper trail. Writes notes in places where I wont notice them until it�s too late. She�s rather interested in notes, and keeps a fair amount of them on hand for future reference. She saves her e-mails.
A problem with AI, it seems, is a) humans are rather prone to making mistakes. and b) human brains may be composed of a variable-bit system, instead of simply being a base-X system of ons and offs, as a computer is. Not that I claim to know how it would work, I�m just trying to conceptualize a system of data storage that would be based on variable bit-lengths for data that may be of the same type�
computationalism = modern(animism);
�and one has to wonder, if you�re finally assured that you�ve never Seen a tree, really, you are left wonrdering what you *have* seen�have you seen shirt, tight but comfortably dangerous? Have you seen a car, dancing to remember last night�s California dream? This is the answer then, this is why modern art. The average American spends 1/8 their life sitting on a couch and watching television, and it�s a wonder that the vast majority have never Seen a couch, or a television, for that matter. Have you Seen a song, described in ball and wave form simultaneously? Have you seen her eyes, too blue to be green? So they has to take the couch out of it�s environment, and put it in solitude in a field, for to finally admit that you have not yet Seen a couch, and in the end you decide you really don�t care to spend the time to See a couch anyway, because there are so many trees awaiting your attention.
A proposal for the punishment of rapists. The sentence for a guilty party shall be 200 years in jail (where any sentence of time over the average life expectancy +5 years will result in immediate death), less the �cuteness factor� of the individual. Thus, persons who are more cute are less punished (and to an extent, can get away with rape). The trial will be held on an undisclosed date, in such a manner that the accused remains in a state of always thinking the trial could be the following weekend, but held on a date after the attractiveness of the individual has significantly decayed, so as to act as a universal bias. The desired result? The people who were at one time questioning their sexual abilities/preference become habitually obsessed with a) reminding themselves what they have done and b) trying to be cute, which eventual spirals into a conversion into what they calls �metrosexual�, while avoiding the obvious solution of removing these people from society entirely. As Nemo would say��Put their bodies in a box, and their minds will wander. Put their minds in a box, and their bodies will serve.�
*yes, I�m well aware of the redundancy.
40.8284% - Major Geek (http://www.innergeek.us/geek.html)
