Manslaughter: murder for dummies
2003-08-01 - 12:55 p.m.
[July24-August1. while humming the lyrics to a song i don't know the words to, i accidently saved over the original and only copy of this entry, and figured that i couldn't rememer enough of what happened this past week to write it all over in a simlar manner. and as a general rule, writing on the same topic with the same information is always worse the second time around (and gets progressively better with each recursion). So here's a laundry list of the things i can remember. i worked 56.5 hours at the gas station this week. mitch's car is dead, we replaced the alternator belt in my car (it would've been easier just to replace the alternator) and i couldn't have done it without him. mitch and i drove up to maine. Sister and Step-Sister are both moving into their own apartment/dorm situations at the end of the month, both starting college. Sarah is due to have a baby on the 12th. Mum is having a hard time with the idea that her mother is dying, coping through displacement, keeps asking everyone else if they're okay. i'm not entirely sure i want to be a proggrammer, but i'm also not entirely sure that i can change the fact that i am one. at heart.]
Revelation: social conventions over individual compensation = maturity.
Post Sanctum, 3am: Luther held a conference in the forum tonight, to discuss with Goblyn the meaning of the colour of the sky, weather it was crimson from dried blood or spent passion. purple clouds fluttered by, and Luther�s newly greyed hair shone in the light of some mysterious astral orb, to which the Sirs debated weather it be sun or moon. I am getting old he says, and I realize now that I will not always be. He wanted to set things right, to make sure Mynd would always be stable, when he does leave, but Goblyn affirmed that his concern was unnecessary. Mynd will always be, will live on much longer than any of the inhabitants, and there�s no sense, he says in response, of worrying about what is to come. A new me, with open eyes, looked into the mirror and was not afraid. There is nothing to fear now, there never was anything to fear but an incomplete Mynd, and the gap is nearly closed. Based on the sea, Sir, it must be the moon, for the tide has never been so nigh. A single star fell in slow motion, a sound of it splashing into water that was heard only by myself. I spoke, for the first time since the vow of silence, �red sky at night, sailor�s delight�. Jessica huddled with Simon on his cracked pillar of Truth, for so long had the stone man been cold and alone, his clouded head now more clear. Jimmy sleeps sound, without dreaming. Luther says without turning to look away from the sky, that it is a good world we have built, a strong one, and he is sure it will last. Goblyn knows nothing lasts forever, but he agrees nonetheless.
August1-August4. Vacation. Mitch picked me up at work and we crashed at his place in Maine later that night. a two-year-old ice cream sandwhich and coke. Spent some time with Mum and walked her dog. Headed up to Houlton and crashed there for the night. Wondered what plane of exisence Lindsay had dissapeared to and called Becca too soon before heading down to my grandmother's house. She's dying. She's going crazy from being alone. From nothing to do. From the idea of moving in with one of her children (though they've all offered) because she's not of the sort to be handled in a supportive manner. One thousand short stories of people long past spill our of her mouth and not a one truly boring, though they seem a bit out of place, like listening to a radio-news show from a speaker inside a person�s mouth, and you open the door and there's no end and there's no beginning, very much unlike the people the stories are about. She needs to be someplace other. But i'm sure she'll do the right thing, always has. She was crying when we left, still spouting this-and-that stories as if uncontrollably, speaking in mouthfuls. Crying, but still she kept a smile on, very nearly morbid. She says to me, she says, "you know sometimes even though you're old you still have young-person thoughts [such as suicide for example]...". She was a teacher her whole life, always healping others to understand. But i'm sure she'll do the right thing. Smoked a cigarette on the way back to Mums to treat everyone to supper before my drive back to NY. The last couple hours of the drive was nothing but halucinations. Spherical balls of frogs rolling across the road, some smokey car-eating beast, a mac truck where there was none, something in bright red shoes. Worked out a schedual for SUNY in the morning, cashed a check for 56.5 hours of work last week, payed the rent.
Daydreamers smile. *holding a rubber bouncy ball* Daddy, so purple balls go to heaven, with all the others? I hope so son...because when your mother finds out what I've done...I hope so...
