Doors: open, closed, and jarred.
2003-06-02 - 8:02 p.m.
last time i was at Mum�s house, she taught me the secret to making her special chilli, which is one of those exclusive recipies of a family, though it contain simple ingredients. in my mind, it was only supposed to passed on to one child per generation, but this turns out not to be the tradition, because i�m sure Sister (who is going to college for cullinary stuff) has known about it for years. Regardless, i would like to take this opportunity to define the term i use to make reference to my biological mother. Mum: a person that always knows how to make you feel significant.
June2. Mike (Mitch�s roommate#1)�s birthday today. Lucy seems not to like me, but only in person [this is to say, reality]. the thing that really gets me about this is that we have a good mixture of deep and entertaining conversations [all online of course] and it makes sense to me that in an eviroment even more populated with things to talk about, there�s no reason why we wouldn�t continue to have a similarly good mixture of deep and entertaining conversations. guess that�s just not the way it works. end dream. Lindsay had done something similar, but had more style about it, telling me first that she was going to go shut a door in the face of someone she once held dear, and then promptly logging off. if there�s anything i dislike more than being utterly confused, it�s knowing that i�m confused, and knowing that the reason i�m confused is not because i didn�t understand it, but because i choose to continue to give people the benefit of the doubt, that whatever just transpired was simply a misunderstood message, or evan a misplaced intention. the week has been one of downward spirals, and i seem to have caught the undertoe of all of them. today, in particular, was one of those days spent cursing the sky because all you want to do is walk around in dark and rain, but the sun just keeps shining. accomplished much today, but all i did was walk around town for a bit.
Sidenote: things were posted here, which were mostly not real, but in posting them, i have managed to ease some tensions in reality. imaginary numbers and real numbers combine to make complex numbers, not impossible numbers, and this makes all the difference [in the real world].
June1. Mitch seems to think we nearly got killed. evidently, there are a lot of people that die in this area, due to being beaten up by townies. at least once a month, even in the winter, he says. so the suv slowed down, and some guys said something about �gonna beat the shit outta you, you motherfuckers�, etc. but the whole effect was ruined by the slight doppler effect. i laughed, Mitch paused. the door opened and closed, and when nothing else happened, i peeked around the parked cars to see if someone had gotten out. turns out no one had gotten out, or was hiding between cars and waiting for us to pass, but at any rate Mitch made a quick dash for the opposite direction, while i chose the absolute worst time to philosophise [poorly and immaturely] about human behaviour.
May31. another forgotten day. BMW dealership only has one guy that can replace my key, who was not there even though the receptionist told me he would be, and in the opinion of the receptionist's friend (who didn't seem to work there) it wasn't part of the receptionist's job to take down my VIN# so the key could be ordered, even though I had to beg for a ride to get to the dealership. mostly a day for video games and sleeping in.
May30. dropped the ignition key to my car into a small hole in the concrete steps outside of mitch�s apartment. would have had them dragged away, but the steps are part of a solid concrete block with both the house and the sidewalk. walked to the next town to cash a check (it being my only source of funds for the next week, and my only source of getting home) but instead ended up creating an account. basicaly, i put 25% of my life savings in an account that is slighlty more inaccessable to me than my current method of getting funds from my account, which is to say, no one will accept my checks. so, impossible minus 1. the current plan is to get to a BMW dealership in the next town in the other direction, to get a new key made, which would require money, which i don�t have access to.
my eyes, over the past several years, have changed from a light grey-blue to a nearly-black green.
May29. talked with an admissions person at RPI today, who quietly and subtly told me that i wasn�t even close to being accepted, not this year. suggested that i become more familiar with the use of contingency plans. my largest hard drive, 20gb, died a few minutes after i got here, which would have terminated Everything, but i was able to pirate a data recovery program though a process of P2P programs that caused my primary hard drive, 15gb, to become violently infected with virii, requiring it to be formatted. this adds to the newness of this whole experience, but sometimes i wish god would just stop with the bullshyte already.
ArchPsyche#1: Archibald has some good methods of closing holes in people�s heads, and i thought that at some point i�d put them down as a Sunday Comix. that not being the case, i decided to post them when most appropiate, [when i could remember them]. this is the first. use three words to describe yourself, and slowly rule out one and replace it with a slightly more positive word. repeat the process until you are pleased with the sett of words and the words are considered by most everyone to be good traits or positive descriptors, but still seem to be descriptive of you, speciffically. any method of removing and adding words can be used, including logic and free association with the current words.
...and in the end you realize, you really do make a better door than a window.
