Christmas: break glass pull to open
2002-12-26 - 11:40 a.m.
Christmas, take one. pitbulls running around and pushing each other off the couch. mum�s finally got a bit of money, and expressed a want to pay me back the eighty bucks or so i loaned her when i was eleven/twelve. i let her pay me back some of it, just to make her feel better�but the presents she got us were noticeably more expensive than i ever remember getting at her house. snow globe with a black bear in it, to remind me of maine while i�m in new york. *chucklesigh* we used to be those kids who had our names on those trees in the town office�please mister, buy something for this child who wouldn�t have gotten a present otherwise�and really, i wouldn�t have had it any other way.
speeding warning #2, going 85 on i95 again. got caught in the same spot, actually. but this time it was the sheriff, and he gives white warning papers instead of yellow ones, so there�s naught for me to do but get one from the local ranger-guy as well, to complete the set, eh? something about it being too close to christmas for him to give me my first speeding ticket. on a similar note, i ran a red light while driving the old white van owned by my parentes, and nearly killed a person turning into my lane (or, what would have been my lane, had the light been green). and on a dissimilar note, i might be getting my own car at the end of this week. returning to similar notes, i wouldn�t be driving it until next summer. dissimilar notes, continued: hopefully i�ll have the 8-track working for it by then. testing it today, and it worked like a dream�a dream that�s been collecting dust for the last couple decades, but a dream nonetheless.
Christmas, take two�began with a christmas-eve church ceremony the night before, most of the time of which was spent trying to out-draw sister. drew an awesome half-rat-man head, and a squashed jesus-head/dwarf-head with a shroom growing out of the top of it. people look cooler without pupils anyways�and who says jesus was a tall guy? prubly had to tailor-order his crucifix, so that it fit just right�opening presents the next morning�an electric razor plus trinkets�really, a replacement from last year�the electric razor i got sort of sucked instead of shaved�painful and useless, at least for the purposes of shaving. that was pretty much it�there seemed an even larger discrepancy in presents this year, whot with Sarah and Step-brother on the loose. it bummed me out more that we couldn�t get in contact with her than that i didn�t have a lot of loot to share with her�still not sure where she�s gone to. and later, parents tried to make up for it by giving me money for a car�fifty bucks�haven�t yet figured out what sort of adhesive to use, to seal up a worrying heart, but i�m sure that wasn�t it. thanks anyways.
saw �Memento� on Christmas#2 night�good movie the first time around, but it prubly wouldn�t be nearly as exciting if you could remember watching it before. incidentally. also saw �Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers� for the second time before most people had seen it the first. put it right up there above �Pi� and �Requiem for a Dream��reconsidering having a list of favourite movies, rather than just a select few that i can stand watching a second time.
The Resistor Mnemonic: Bad Boys Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Gives Willingly (Black Brown Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Violet Grey White)
tomorrow, i may be the moderately proud owner of a 1984 528e BMW, black w/ red interior�unfortunately i prubly won�t be the ecstatically proud driver of one until next summer when i learn how to use a standard transmission. ah wel, gives me some time to take out the CD player and install the 8-track player.
Cashing Checks. new law in maine, maybe the nation, that says that you have to have an amount of money in your bank account (specifically, at the bank where you wish to cash the check) that is greater than the amount the check is written to you for. obviously, a hassle. the alternative? put your fingerprint on the check. right thumb *here*. showed �em a finger today, but it wasn�t my thumb (the first time). i�ve gone my whole life, minus birth, without putting my finger in ink. guess i needed that three hundred pretty bad�either because my bank account was empty or because i wanted the ability to buy this car (see above.) fingerprints though�fingerprints! the most primitive of identification practices, second only to looking at a sketch artist�s rendition of someone�s face, and third to a glaucoma-infected witness looking at a lineup and saying �yeah, that�s the guy�. in india, they used to be sophisticated. used to stick a hot red metal spoon in the mouth of the defendant and plaintiff, and the one that screamed first was the guilty party. of so i saw on the discovery channel. step-mother nearly became a missionary in india to touch the untouchables, ha! fingerprints�gloves can be made, skin can be burned. more importantly, skin is not consistent for your whole life�it�s one of the fastest-replaced tissues of the body, with a theoretically increased chance of growing in with variations. and don�t tell me that it�s �because of the day and age, because we have to watch out for terrorists��terrorists have big accounts. and they don�t often receive huge checks from their terrorist leaders. �hi, i�m greggory danes, and this is my wife boris horris�i just wanted to cash this check from a mister arafat? yea, his address is right there in the top corner, thanks.� gotta use money orders, postal checks, anything but a freakin� bank slip. no, my friend, this law is targeted at the working class of maine�specifically, an added hassle for folks that work in a different town than they live in. and really, i�m not sure what the purpose is�but someone will prubly find some way to use it�banks will sell the fingerprints to telemarketers, and we will see the raise of a new breed of �reaching out to the consumer��the hunt. these telemarkets of the future won�t stop at your phone. they won�t stop at your door�you�ll see them everyday, maybe get a drink with them after work�but the job is just a cover, their smile is only a ploy�you�d be surprised how much someone can lie, for ten bucks an hour. and their cybernetic noses will be able to pick up the weakest scent of your desire to buy something, anything�their eyes will have specialized zoom features for probing your wallet. they will be lame or retarded, children or seniors, maybe a charmingly-clean-shaven person exactly your own age. any angle for a sale, anything to give them an edge over the competition. their feet will be silent, their tongues, forked. �for you� they say, �specially for you� bah. �for the safety of you� they say, �for the safety of your family�, bah. won�t you please buy this lovely tupperware (tm) dinette set? just ten dollars�please?
Old Invention, Revisited: Stealth Chess. just like chess, but all the pieces are pawns. written on the bottom of each piece is the actual piece that it is, which is revealed only when the piece is used. for those people that can�t keep track of chess moves in their head.
WalMart (TM) Episode Two: The Drone Wars. parents spent altogether too much time looking at cameras, so i started playing with the live-feed video cameras at the end of the isle. old ladies make strange faces at you when you give them mm-mmm eyes through a camera-television setup. young ladies stare at the screen rather than the person who is obviously there, or blush and turn away, depending. still had some time to kill, so i discovered the plugs for the alarm system on the video cameras, the button that makes the whole system go silent for two minutes. i then proceeded to create the �all fire extinguisher station�all extinguishers, all the time!��and some dumb kids had to run over and use the display, ruining my art. not that i wouldn�t have done the same thing moments later.
Invention#14: a cookie cutter soldered to the top of a cookie tin. hard to clean, potentially poisonous (lead solder) and hard to open if properly greased for cutting. blissfully useless.
Josh (not-so-good-at-role-playing josh, not to be confused with can-i-grab-your-ass josh) was telling me, before i left for vacation, about some town he had created. is this what i sound like? all worked up about a couple scraps of paper and scribbles that are an idea for a game that may or may nopt ever be played? is this what i sound like, when i think something is cooler than it is, and it all makes sense in my head, but when we go to tell it to someone else�just wanted to drown him out, to get him to talk about anything else. just wanted to get away from myself for thinking it, to avoid allowing myself to think like him so�grandiose.
Alienation. funny word�always makes me think of many before i think of few, of a nation of aliens before i think of an alien, outcast. alien nation sounds so much nicer.
Shoetying. used to untie my shoes before going to bed every night, out of some odd habit. most likely had something todo with monster-superstitions, and developed into a consistent ritual. eventually learned to kick off my shoes without untying them, and discovered that it would save time, if ever i were to die in my sleep (because i always untied them to tie them again the next morning). this was the beginning of my laze. (but i still tied them just a little bit too tight, just in case they happened to be too loose for running [from monsters].) report card (now called �unofficial transcripts�) came in the mail the other day. c- in microbiology. this drops my gpa from 3-point-85 to 3-point-70�and i thought 3-point-85 was unacceptable. this is what my laze had lead me to [so far].
Revelation: pickup lines are useless. They are, by acutely-abstracted definition, a single comment that sets you up to be let down. But herein lies their value, for people laugh more easily at their own jokes�you are simply providing an environment in which it is easier to make fun of a particular person�and thus make a specific person laugh. Once you have that person laughing, the rest is elementary�all you have to do is laugh�and then you�re that guy sitting there and laughing with a guy at the bar, rather than the guy that never worked up the coordination to walk across the bar and sit down on a stool.
realistic pickuplines take four: �so�heard any good pickup lines lately?�
while at Mum�s, i painted my frog. huge plaster frog i made at some point a couple years ago, with sarah while she made a plaster representation of a stuffed elephant doll. Just a frog, with bugged out eyes looking in different directions. first art i�ve done in a long time.
Step-father�s Story. got an old wool coat from him, the second of my wool coats with a story, because this one had his blood in it. evidently, it was from a time when he wasn�t so stable, when he didn�t have a steady job shoveling cowshit. evidently, he was married to an abusive wife, and a rich one�controlling bitch of a monster she was. she used to lock him in small rooms without food, and hit him with things, and a slew of slewing was slewed before he finally escaped and went to a preist. the priest helped him, but also had his own agenda�Step-father began to read and understand the teachings of christ. meanwhile, the divorce case lead to some sort of draw, in which both Step-father and his past wife were sent to mental institutions before being readmitted to the shallow box we call �the rest of society�. married Mum just in time to be saved from jesus�something about a tent out back of the old house, and Mum wanting, subliminally, to get back at Jeff (known at that time as Jeffery) by sleeping with his brother. jealous people get their comeuppance too, i guess.
�Don�t worry, I never clone on the first date.� �Nemo
*lol* in a pile of my notes, i just found someone�s card. not sure/don�t remember how it got into my possession, with nothing written on it, but it�s definitely worth writing about. it says �J.J.�s Bait & Thrift Shop / specializing in wedding gowns / clothing � used furniture / crawlers � shiners / 942-3383.� and maybe i was wondering if they meant shiners on your eye�or maybe it�s just one of those weird little places in maine that�s hard to believe�but it really does exist. [for all those not in the know, �crawlers� means nightcrawlers�big worms used for bait to catch fish, in a pass-time known simply as �fishing�.]
�and all of a sudden, i was reminded why i don�t talk to you over the phone.
�Backup plans are for people that don�t plan well enough the first time [and for gays, as Lindsay pointed out].� �Nemo
�it�s not the length of the distance, it�s how long you walk it.� �repetitive repetitions inc. co.
sometimes i wonder if i�m the only one who has that feeling that something is perversely wrong with the way this nation is going�would that i was born sixty years earlier, i wouldn�t need to worry about it. everyone with a cell phone, everyone holding their hands to the sky to praise the god of good reception. eventually, people will be using these nodes, these hubs and towers, to travel. teleportation isn�t far off , according to those scientists in Australia. soon we'll need to remap the country, not with roads and lines, but with circles..."polar coordinates to the nearest node, please? thank you, jeeves (TM)".
�It�s so hard, you know, asking a male store clerk if he knows where I can buy a �stud-finder��hehehe� �random old lady in WalMart (TM)
