minus a superego
2001-12-05 - 11:45 p.m.
Shit, I lost my head and missed the meeting (CAPS). This will snowball later.
There is a man, at this very moment, dressed in an oversized coat and standing two steps before the edge of an abandoned parking lot. He's pretending that the static in his batteryless walkie-talkie is an intercepted mesage from a mysterious someone who cares. The sound might be fuzzy, but the message is there. They want him to jump. They'll love him when he jumps, and everything will be good again. They tell him that on the other side of the edge, there is a heaven. So he jumps...and for a second, the whole world is nothing but fog and clouds. Eventually he realizes that he's a man, dressed in an oversized coat, standing one step away from the edge of an abandoned parking lot.
*smiles* French fire drills...some people make me smile. There are three that really light up my life. And I won't meet the third one for a while. And I meant every chuckle and giggle with all my heart.
This is earth-shaking. When I'm curled up, I can hold all of my abs in one hand. Well, it seemed pretty amazing to me.
Today: Got stoned with the loving aid of a water bong. She musta been 600 millilitres, at least. So, I thought I'd write down the mental changes that I noticed in myself, just for informational purposes.
-Decreased perception. If you think of a person's perceptions
One might be able to duplicate this in a computer, but only allocating a certain number of data inputs at once, and attach a mechanism (software) to allow the computer to 'choose' between which sense was allocated the most...accompanied with decreased memory (one-track mind). But such a thing would be inevitable, if one were to make a computer that could sense. Data must be limited at some point.
-Enlightenment: realizing this sort of thing.
-More enlightenment: Memory is nothing but a sense of perception...a sense of communication (in this case, internal).
-Thinking that your thoughts are bigger/deeper than they are.
-Realization that former enlightenments are not as enlightening as one has originally perceived.
-Decreased memory, assuming such a thing exists. Whoa, that's too deep for me, on the listening end.
After the selves were collected, they universally voted for peppermint Schnapps (TM). After all, I got a 4.0 for this semester as soon as finish two more essays. Might as well treat myself before my accomplishments are after, right?
The bottom line: When I'm drunk, I can still retain a certain amount of intelligence [if not common sense]. When I'm stoned, I just like to think I can.
Entertainment for this week: Measured out several hundred feet in 1/4inch squares. Worried about homework but kept putting it off, but it was eventually done and there was no reason to worry in the first place. Insulted a teacher in front of class by saying that pictures are Not worth 1000 words. A blur of a half-assed painting could never measure up to the accomplishment of 3000 years of language development...I really should apologize tomorrow.
In English, we don't have a word for what I want to express. Like vice versa, but 'to put it in the reverse order of a sequence'...
Walking by the ATM on the first, I passed by two girls on my way to the door. One turns to the other, and says to herself (hoping for validation, I assume, but it might have been just to hear the sound of her own voice), "Do you think that kid's cute?" Ordinarily, I wouldn't even think this comment was directed toward me, but I overheard a similar mumbling while I was walking back from work yesterday, and knowing that validating simple judgements about other people is what other people do...I almost went back through the door to say 'If he is, it must not have anything to do with his looks.'
Invention: a coke machine that is not dependant on energy. Just layer the bottom with liquid nitrogen and perfectly insulate everything....use one dial to choose the soda, and a lever
I wrote a little ditty about my mother's birthday, but forgot about the whole episode because I left the napkin-note in my trench and didn't find it until we had a fire alarm this week. Kinda makes me wonder how much of my life would slip though my mind if I didn't write down all the little things...So we went out for Chinese, and got summed up from the start as poor cheap white trash, which is sorta reasonable, because we are. But it was the point of the thing...they set us in the corner with the only set of chipped teacups. Payed in twenties and left sugar spilled on the table for a tip.
And Futurejason kept saying to himself. This isn't the girl that I didn't marry. She disappeared a long time ago...this girl will be different, even if she is the same person.
