(SC) A Psychological Analysis of the Nutcracker
2001-12-03 - 1:46 a.m.
Sigmund Freud: It is obvious that the little girl is in a dream-state for much of the ballet. The nutcracker, it seems, serves two purposes: it both represents her father�s penis, in that it is a large wooden toy that stands up straight, and it represents her father�s penis, which could �crack the nuts� of any other penis that her boyfriends have. The rats, as very hairy animals, symbolize the girl�s mother, in particular that area where her mother has more hair than she. In effect, the whole conflict is one of the girl� jealousy in trying to save the �nutcracker� from being �engulfed� by hoards of �rats�-
Burrhus Frederick Skinner: Absurdity of the worst sort! Normally, I wouldn�t even heed such foolishness, but you�ve gone too far with this sexual nonsense! Now, we all know that you had a bad childhood, but there�s no reason to go and take it out on the whole profession of psychological analysis. Your psychosexual models won�t hold up in five years, and you�ll end up recanting your theory, but not before becoming the biggest joke in the history of psychology. I�m just going to have to stop responding to your bizarre fantasies, to avoid the risk of reinforcing your behavior...
Freud: ...But the grandfather and his �magic sack of toys�-
Ogden Lindsley: Freud, I have to fully agree with Skinner...your philosophies are totally out of wack. I�ve been counting sexual urges in my patients for several years now, and not one of them (even the hypersexual homosexuals) displays as many occasions of these urges as you do. In short, you�re most messed up than the people that you�re trying to treat.
Freud: ...And of course, there�s the �sword� fight just before the �climax� -
Carl Rogers: Hey guys, can�t we just all get-along like? I mean, we�re not really achieving our potential as human beings by arguing over different ways of knowing...
A Janitor (sweeping the floor): And what, Rogers, would you say that potential is? What is this grandiose purpose of humankind, and what is your motivation for putting so much value in it? And furthermore, who is to say that by spending the time watching the ballet and not arguing about it, we are not decreasing our self-understanding?
Rogers: *totally baffled*
Freud: ...I would also point your attention to the nutcracker �coming alive� to a more active state, and returning to an inactive state at the end of the ballet. This is obviously a demonstration of her father�s flaccidity after a sexual encounter -
Isaac Newton: And after all, what goes up...
Francine "Penny" Patterson (stumbling into the discussion on yet another coffee break): Tsktsk...boys and their nutcrackers...I�m sorry, I would say something, but...I�m just a biologist.
Skinner: We are aware, Pennydear...with all due respect, go play with your monkey. Freud, stop playing with yours!
Freud (putting his hands above the table): Oh, was I doing it again? Sorry...
Carl Gustav Jung: and the patient says to me, �The sun has a giant nut-cracker, and it swings back and forth, creating the winds.� Clearly this is evidence of the social unconscious.�
To Be Continued...
