9-o�-clock (uncensored) news
2001-11-15 - 4:43 p.m.
Narrator: Hi there, little one. I�m here with channel-18 news, the station that brings you all the problems of the world, all day. Jeena is with me today, covering the day�s soldier-9 helmet films, feauting built-in newscams and microphones, so it�s like you�re right there on the battlefield! This is taking color TV to whole new levels, people, and it�s only happening here on channel-18 news! Oh yea, and Mike�s covering the weather in SriLanka (the artist formerly known as Ceylon). So sit back, relax, and breathe in the toxic fumes of misery around the globe...yer day ain�t that bad after all, eh?
Scott, whom I think very much of as a sort of intellectual, said today that we have too much freedom in America. Particularly, that the freedom of speech is too broad. To be even more specific, that the government should put more stringent rules on music videos. Ordinarily, I would have flat-out disagreed with him, because you have the choice of watching news over MTV, but there are TVs at our college that play music videos half of the day, and we CAN�T turn them off. The buttons don�t work, and the chords are buried in the walls. These TVs are everywhere...in the weight room, cafeteria, every public accessed place...all rap videos, all day.
Kinda rushed to anatomy class this morning, having woken up in someone else�s bed (and being all disoriented from such). So yea...and then there was Chris. Watched a couple on-TV movies in her room (�Chucky wants to watch the 9-o�-clock news...�) while I studied for my anatomy test and we put off going to the Boylson T stop for Djarums. There was some tackling, lotsa cuddling, lotsa nibbling, and too many bad puns to shake a milkshake at. But she�s not ticklish, and her back is fragile from a car accident, and it�s just not fair.
At quarter-�til two on Tuesday morning, on a Monday afternoon, I get back to my room. Neither of my roommates is around, and I might actually have time to type that paper for English later this morning. Damn, there are just some days that I really like living in the dorms. Coke in my left and typing with my right, I begin. (If I have the time, I might even finish a second one for the same assignment.)
Mental note: I have some projects to finish between now and early November. This has the potential to provide me with halfway decent amounts of work. But after these, and before Christmas, I hope to get my four-letter word dictionary completed, so that I can start writing a Shakespearian-esque play using all the words and the Sirs and *squuege*s and such. My personal due date for one such script is Christmas morning...I�ll stay awake all night working on it, while the elves pack my stocking in lieu of Santa (because he has since gone to that big sleigh in the sky).
In other News, I got the first half of my psychology take-home final done today. I hadn�t answered three questions and still got a score over the 100%-ile mark. Then we watched a film on manic depression...basically, I re-realized that the medical profession of our times is really messed up and hasn�t evolved much (in terms of procedures) since the medieval. I can just imagine how Skinner would have taken that video, with its concentration on genetic inheritance of depression...prubly woulda sat through it, and at the end, walked out; ignoring it altogether. To grant attention to the ignorant is to reinforce their beliefs. After class, she [the psyche teacher] inquired about my IQ (as if the number really meant anything) and re-stated that I was most definitely the most intelligent person that she had ever had the pleasure of teaching. This lady�s been teaching for eight years; the head of a criminal justice department major; she makes a point to know all the students in her department...I must admit, I did feel a little...complimented. And rare is the occasion that I don�t go into defensive mode when someone tries to compliment me. Erg. I just can�t stand those type of �intelligence comments� tho, because I know people that are even smarter than me. You just haven�t seen smart until you�ve seen Meurl flex his 200+ IQ in the presence your sub-genius 150 (he�s a whole retard smarter than me, hahaha). And Mitch...that�s gotta be like a 160+ right there. Even Tim, Dillon, Lucy and Becca all have some really strong suits for being overly intelligent...and I just don�t deserve to be put into the group of accredited* genii.
In even more news today: My father is currently in the process of loosing his job. He will no longer be employed as a manager of non-genetic potatoes, making lotsa money. Currently, I may have more money than all four of my parental units combined.
Narrator: So, Mike, how�s that weather?
Sir#1: Well, as you can see, there�s a cold front of nuclear warheads in the middle east, and over here in the west we�re warming up some sort of overpriced missile defense system...looks like a storm brewing in -
Sir#2: Hey, how come I always gotta be the Jeena?
Sir#1: Dude...you are so much sexier than me, I can�t pull the Jeena character off.
Sir#2: *attempting a sexy whisper* Oh, how flattering...*realization crashes on the shore* Wait a second...we look exactly the same! We have the same voice!
Sir#1: Technicality. Sexiness is a state of mind.
Sir#2: We got the same brain too, knucklehead!
Sir#1: Well...the narrator just likes me more. Besides, what�s a news station without a femm newscastor?
Sir#2: Point. Let�s just watch something else, shall we?
Narrator: ...So, that�s all the time we have for the news...doubt anything is gonna change overnight, so there�s really no sense in catching the morning news, or even any more news this week...g�night America, and may you have sweet dreams of low oil prices...*channel change*
Sir#1 (as Alvin of the chipmunks): *singing some old tune with a high-pitched voice*
Sir#2 (as one of those backup singing chipmunks): *humming in-between the lines of an old tune*
*changes channel*
Sir#1 (trying to speak around a ball-gag): mdgrmmmmmramgfgmmm!
Sir#2 (offscreen): Take it bitch!
*changes channel*
Sir#1 (as Seinfeld(TM) on Seinfeld(TM) to George): ...But if Sally wasn�t selling seashells on the seashore, what sort of stuff was she selling?
Sir#2 (as Kramer (TM), is attacked by a stereo system in the background): ahhh!!
*changes channel*
Sir#1 (big dumb bald guy): ...clearly, you can see that the current situation ressembles the kama kazi pilots of WWII...durring the Pearl Harbor bombing (TM), they used much the same tactics...
Sir#2 (small dumb hairy guy): Well, it does seem like a pretty simple and effective use of a plane, especially if it�s not yours...do you see the US employing these strategies in the near future?
*changes channel*
Sir#1: Damn, TV is dumb. Whatever happened to the good ol� radio, and having to use your imagination?
Sir#2: Haha! Imagination? That was atrophied from the populous long before our time...
*no one can really agree on the accreditation process, like everything else in psychology.
