there's acid in me
2001-08-27 - 8:00 p.m.
College: Day3 (continued). I think I�ll start calling this place �home� as soon as I forget what day of college I�m on. I fell in love with the subway. Part of it runns above ground, and the foliage that zips past is nothing short of breathtaking. I took the T to South Station with Evie, Rich and CJ, and we stopped at a park. Little finch birds fly a foot above your head and generally look cute. I had a running theory about the sociology of finch-like birds and then someone interrupted the subway in my head, and I lost it all. Sometime I fear how many thoughts I loose without remembering that I had even had them in the first place. Gave up my seat to an old woman, and thought about the greed of other fully-functional people, not giving up their seat to a child or fellow human in need of gravity-safety. Ordered Chinese food...enough for supper and breakfast the next day. Only cost me six dollars out of someone else�s pocket. Lots of msg, but I wasn�t bouncing off the walls, because it was a little cold by the time I got a break from ICQ. Drew lizards on my middle finger and my palm with coloured pens. Got my hand wet and wiped it on my white pants, ugg.
Got coke. If I was king, I�d make coke the liquid that flowed in our oceans. The orgasmic fluids of the titans that created man and earth and sun and moon. One of the fundamental chemicals for all forms of life...not to say that it isn�t already.
College: Day4. I thought I woke up at one-in-the-slightly-after-noon, because I�m on the top bunk and couldn�t see the top line of the seven. I was gonna beat myself, fer waking up so late. For orientation activities today, we were susposed to go on a cruise, to get the freshmen out of the dorms while the other peoples moved in. Our group came up with the ingenious idea of taking cars instead of the school transit system, but when we got downtown, there were no places to park for longer than three hours. The RA driving the car I was in, not wanting to get her car towed, drove back to the college and we all took the transit-thingy from there. Most people were packed in three-to-a-seat, but the driver didn�t seem to notice until we started piling out. Like clowns. And as clowns, we took the T to the wrong stop to get where we needed to go, and spet most of the day rushing around Boston-area trying to find the boat. As it turns out, the check for the boat hadn�t yet cleared, so the boat-people wouldn�t let anyone on when we did get there. Spent another couple hours wasting time waiting for a bus that didn�t come. I learned a way to sneak into the aquarium, but I�ll save it for another day. Ate sugar packets from McDonald�s. On the subway, I saw a girl, watching the bricks zoom by in awe. She amazed me, stunned me. I thought that finally I had found the star-gazer that I�ve been looking for...someone to connect with. And as I watched her and smiled, it didn�t even register in my head that she was getting up and leaving at the next stop. Such is Luck. On the drive back, I pondered the idea that I already Know Right from not-Right. That it might be possible that I can �aye� or �nay� any That I was born with all the Answers, all the Truth, that I will ever need, and all I ever needed to do was listen to it. But then my intuition kicked in, and told me that the idea sounded faulty (and this, of course, was contradictory, so I gave it up altogether). When I got back to the dorms to listen to James (football roommate) have a discussion with his friends about whether it would be easier to get a woman to orgasm with high treble, low bass, er high bass and low treble. Went to get a laundry card to do my laundry tomorrow, but the machine ate half my money. Went to brush my teeth, and missed my mouth entirely. All-in-all, it�s been a very groggy day. I walk the halls with a perma-stoned glazed gaze, and find myself rolling my head quite forward to look people in the eye. When I got back to the dorms, I took a shower and put my head right in front of the fan. Unfortunately, it�s a rotating fan, so I musta looked a little foolish moving my head slowly back and forth, drooling mildly out of one lip-corner. Who needs TV, when you can be your own Tom Green. Classes start tomorrow...I hear there�s only 12 people in my major, and I know most of �em already.
College: Day0. I didn�t see Lucy on my way down to college (she didn�t give me the number on her mailbox*). Didn�t stop by my mother�s house, for that matter. Got lost in Mass because Stepmother told us to take 106 and meant 109 (evil dyslexic direction-giving gnomes) and we ended up checking into a hotel at two in the morning rather than trying to redirect ourselves to Step-brother�s house to spend the...morning. Slept for several hours and then went down to the check-in at school. I had a card to give to Mum...a thankyou card that I wrote up when I got a congratulations card from her at graduation.
Revelation: I�d rather get lost for an hour in a place I don�t know than leave on time and get to a place I�ve already been. Life is a collection of mistakes and missteps.
I�ve gots holes in my ears. External auditory meatus, and all that, but I�ve got dents too. Little fin�er-sized dents on the back edge, where I tried to make my ear-cartilage bend to a point. You see, when I was six, I wished that I was an elf. When Sarah was six, she wished to be a car mechanic. This has something to do with her tomboy-ness, I�m sure. But even in her twenties, she shows a fondness for trucks and power tools. She fell in love with a car mechanic, and he broke her heart...but when it really comes down to it, she�s still a car mechanic girl. For some reason, she had wished to live in South Dakota as well, which is oddly coincidental. So maybe all of our six-year-old wishes just come true, or maybe we just have to be the type of person who�s crazy enough to follow through with �em...You see, when I was six, I wished that I�d never fit in. It seemed like such a good wish at the time.
*I do believe that I have the right mailbox number written down...but it�s a tiny social mechanism I�ll play for the time being. Kind of the secret password that I need to show up spontaneously at Lucy�s house, because she doesn�t appreciate chaos (and therefore doesn�t appreciate the embodiment of Chaos at her front door).
