"ees necessaree. you know. for to the plahn" -L
2001-07-31 - 8:12 p.m.
We were driving on a road. I don�t remember now where to, or where from. And as I looked out the window to the edge of this road, I Knew. I Knew the location of every pinch of grass, every ant, and the movements of the wind. I Knew of the grass and trees on both sides of the road, within a short distance from the car. And then it stopped. But just now, I caught myself �tuning in� to the individual blades of the fan in my room, and it had the same sort of feeling.
�Back when my papy was a young rebel, his father would tell him to go cut a switch in the woods. And papy knew that if�n he got a skinny stick, er if�n he got a two-by-fer, it was gonna hert, either way. My father preferred car antennas fer when I was a young�n and was doin� wrong. Now, everyone used their CD players, and the trees is an endangered species, but I can sure as hell tell ya to go down to the plant and pick yerself up a switch of plastic!� �Nemo, in afterthought
Yesterday started out good. It really did. Step-sister�s boyfriend traded me some money and a webcam for my old digital camera. But Windows 98 SE has a weird bugg with the USB ports on occasion, so I decided it was time to install windows ME. Yes, it kept me busy. And yes, it was a pain in the ars�wel, no so much so after I had tricked it into thinking that my backup hard drive didn�t have an operating system on it. But there�s always driver problems. My sound card still hadn�t unstaticified until this morning. This is all part of the entertainment that comes with getting a new operating system, but getting minor chemical burns on your tongue should never be included in the installation process. Use disk1 before disk2; who numbered these things? Stuffy room all day. There�s no wind at all, and no fresh air to breathe on the whole block. This doesn�t do much to combat my stircrazyness caused by not having seen any friends recently�I could see the tension in the air�as if all the air molecules had doubled up on each other in an effort to increase the pressure of the system and thereby decrease the boiling points of humans. Erg. And I finaly get a glimps of myself in the web cam. Now, it must be mentioned, that when you see what looks like shit in the woods, you assume that it is shit, and no one�s gonna argue with that. Wel, I look like shyt. For someone that never knows what to do with a mirror when it�s placed in front of him, this came as sort of a shock�so I just turned it off, packed it for college, and made the deal anyway, because I need the money.
In contrast, I spent most of today looking at my ceiling.
It occurs to me that [in the realm of the Self] there is nothing wrong with observational damage. (In other words, changing an environment by the process of observation, causing the observation to show something that previously could not have been observed, before the observation.) As we sees it, observation is used to find Truth within the Self. But if such observation causes the Self to change the Truth within it, then the original Truth cannot be observed. But there�s nothing wrong with that, because the Truth is still observed. The Self, in itself, is only the medium through which the Truth is observed�And, in afterthought, it is quite possible that the Self is required to change, to provide the observer with a Answer composed of more than two dimensions.
Obsession, not frustration, is the bane of Romantic. The true Romantic has no problem sustaining a certain level of hyperactivity/happiness/high-serotonin-content. But there always exists the fear of obsession...getting too close for one�s own good; forgetting oneself to remember oneother; not being able to use/take �no� for an answer.
If the eyes are the windows to the soul, do I have to keep them open for ventilation purposes?
On sucking the foam from the top of someone else�s drink: �What? Oh, it�s not disgusting. My lips barely touched the glass, and all the foam that even got close to my lips went right into my mouth. So why the hell are you so concerned? Besides, it�s not like we haven�t swapped saliva before�(It was at this point that I realized that I was talking to myselves again).�
�Now all I need, is a mis-under-stand-ing�I�m trying to find, a way to die inside�� �Bracket
