Sunday Comix Late (cake)
2001-07-24 - 9:16 p.m.
Today�s Sunday Comix is brought to you by: ABSURDLOGIC inc. (and friends)
Background: For centuries, mann has been trying to figure out a way to �have his cake, and eat it too�. According to the ill-known brother of Aristotle, it impossible to have something [in hand] while it also occupies the throat. Of course, this was disproven by the local bar maid many times, as she stated that as long as the instrument in question was long enough, it could be in hand as well as mouth. This argument provides indirect support for the �bigger is better� argument in future centuries, because it would seem that the larger the instrument in question, the more that can be had and eaten. For years, that was the accepted answer to the riddle, and many people went walking around with elongated objects stuffed in their mouths; until Copernicus�s second cousin (who was also, incidentally, his nephew) made the point that it is rather inefficient to hold something in your hand at the same time as holding it in your mouth, because it is already in a state of heldness, and any more holding would be redundant. Seeing his wisdom, people were free to practice direct eye-to-mouth coordination, rather than eye-to-hand-to-eye-to-mouth coordination, which had gotten rather complicated. More modern developments on having cake and eating it follow:
The simplest, and most direct, form of eliminating this paradox would be to eat the cake, extract the cake from the stomach, and re-eat. This, however, has been proven impractical because, once extracted, the cake ceases to be �cake� and becomes more of �mush�. This theory, while not helping people eat cake, does throw some light on the possibility that one can have their bullshyt and eat it too. Bulls not included.
It was suggested by a organization of neo-Buddhists that it is the frame of mind which allows one to break the physical restrictions of the cake. In a much more simplified sense, they believe that the words �have� and �eat� can be interchangeable, because you can�t be entirely sure that you have something until you assimilate it into your system. Become one with the cake. This method, however, also proves impractical when one considers the frequent household incidents that have occurred from Vulcan mind-melds with other closely-associated pastries.
Another possibility that is currently under investigation is that of light-acceleration. As speed is increased, mass increases, so that even jell-o (TM) at high speeds can be a filling food. But most scientists argue this theory, saying that to eat the cake, the eater would have to be proportionally accelerated, unless the acceleration was angular, in which case it would be complicated to eat. Furthermore, since the cake is still being eaten, the matter of the cake is decreased, even while the mass increases. Eventually, the matter would all be eaten, and you�re back to square one.
But today, it came to me to consider the logical argument of a closely related food, the doughnut. Now, it must be known to all that a doughnut is a circular food with a hole in the centre...and that certain companies that wish to remain anonymous have found a way to extract the hole and sell it as a separate product: �donut holes�. If, on one hand, one were to eat the hole of a doughnut, the doughnut would still exist, would it not? If anything, it would be a doughnut with a hole taken out of it, which is, of course, nothing less than a doughnut. Thus, the only prerequisite to eat and having your cake is to make a hole in it.
Tune in for the next installment of ABSURDLOGIC inc. (and friends) to find out which came first; the chicken or the egg?
