Ponderesque
2001-05-09 - 4:03 p.m.
There was no rape, until the missionaries came.
When I sleep for four hours a night, I�m right on time. Any less, and I�ll think that it�s yesterday. Any more, and I�ll think that it�s tomorrow. Four hours a day is one sixth of my life spent unconscious. My eyes are closed, my brain is thumbtwiddling, I drool on my pillow. That�s all sleep is. So I was thinking that I could spend my time more efficiently by closing my eyes once every six seconds. I could even drool a little every hour, to convince my mind that I was in a sort of sleep for that second. But I�d probably loose my efficiency to looking at the watch I don�t wear and calculating the next time I need to blink...And if I missed the blink, it�d be yesterday all over again.
Oh how a person in a mirror looks into the Conk Shell. Oh how.
Fact: I am a person like me.
I must assume that there is a specific type of person, a separate type of person for every set of situations, and that given a situation with a matrix of possibilities, a person must only choose one, because...
I am a person like me.
A person like one of those people who likes to sit and think, and ponder the depths of the universe within the perspective of a pebble. I used to do grains of sand, but I haven�t been to the beech recently. I sunburn too easily in the sun of a beach, because my skin is mine and
I am a person like me.
A specific type of person will perform their actions specific to that specific type of person that they happen to be. A killer is a killing type of person, a clown is a clowning type of person, there must exist a type of person that is both. There is no right and wrong, there is only:
I am a person like me.
I do things that suit me, according to the type of person that I am. But what if I was at odds with the person I happened to be, and that person were to change? Would the fact remain, that...
I am a person like me?
If I were to change my actions, put a paper plate over my face and pretend to be a person not like the person that is me, my me would change to accommodate to the fact of the new me, and me would remain.
I am a person like me...
And if my person were to change, to influence my action, the person like me would do a thing like the thing I would do, as a person who I am like. No escape.
I am a person like me.
Of course, this assumes that I have made the assumption that I am a �person�. Whatever that means.
A very intelligent person once told me that this school is a monastery. This is true in the sense that it is a place where people go, secluded from the rest of the world, to enlighten themselves in the ways of multivariable calculus. Most people choose not to live the righteous life of a monk, and I assume that such is the way in a monastery as well too. But I have noticed that I have become more Buddha-istic since my arrival. More contemplative. At any rate, I will be taking finals soon; I will soon be handed my cross of gold. Not real gold mind you, but something greater...something that currently eludes me in it�s description.
�Mr McTinker sat on his thinker and pondered his questions away.
Along came the Answer and sat down inside there,
And it spoiled McTinker�s pondering day.� -Nemo
