Ode
2001-04-19 - 6:35 a.m.
People screaming. I�m in Philadelphia now, on this �blasted� family trip. They get louder whenever I blaspheme, so I�ve been reduced to blasphemic acronyms. JC. CA. G. So yea, We nearly got killed driving around in �Phily� just getting to the hotel, and then find out that we have somehow managed to loose Step-mother�s hand-bag. As a non-final, non-side note, I didn�t get in touch with Beccababe tonight, and she�s going downstate tomorrow. I miss her biggmuch.
�If I could get another chance, I�d put it in a Ziplock bag, and keep it in my pocket...�
I�ve said it before, but I�ll say it again: �Out of all the words in the English language, �was� has to be the hardest to swallow.� I prubly won�t get my WWII bayonett back, not like it really matters. Everything just seems so much more pettier now; insignificant even. I wonder how Mitch is taking this. I almost called him up just to...I dunno, something. And Lucy. Dearest Lucy. *sigh* For me, it�s not the idea of death that�s getting to me, somuchas the idea that I won�t be able to build new memories with her. It means that I�ll never be able to Walk topless in her kitchen, make green ice cubes with her, or throw her car keys in the river, ever again. I had talked to Jen on the phone on Moday. She said she really really wanted to see me before I left for Phily. I had a Grateful Dead Bear (TM) and some stamps to give her. Instead, I slept with the bear last night.
It�s strange. I think sometimes that you�ve seen it all, and there isn�t anything under the sun that would surprise me. But I also know that I haven�t seen it all. I haven�t seen an old woman grow young before my eyes, nor a Caribbean sunset in May; a butterfly crawl out of a cocoon and land on my fingertips to pump it�s wings. I�m still young...I still have a road ahead of me, and I plan to stop and smell the flowers every step of the way.
All the same, I�d trade the seven seas to see her smile once more. A small price to pay, for something so marvelously simple.
Sidenote: Becca, Sarah, Lucy, Jon, Amanda...you guys better stick around...I wouldn�t know what to do with myself if you didn�t. I really don�t know what I�m doing with myself as it is.
�Pity no one was there, no angels in the air; and the morning paid the rent...� �Marcy Playground
