Mirrors And Razorblades
2001-03-11 - 10:30:07
I looked into the mirror today, and I saw a oddly shaped puzzle piece. I don't fit into the Pittsfield solar system, with the worlds of Lucy, Jen, and Mitch. And I'm starting to think I can't really fit into any part of the solar system of Becca and her Jen. I've changed too much, and that's just become hard to comprehend. I most definitely don't fit in *here* anymore...dorm life has ceased to entertain me. I don't even feel at home inside myself. I'll go down to Massachusetts in less than half a year, to discover a new world...boldly living where I have never lived before. And I'll eventually fail at fitting in there too. What an odd shape. *Breakfast*. I've been eating government food for a year and a half now. And when I'm not eating Bland and Generic (TM) foods, I'm munching on microwave dinners at my parent's house. All that bullshit snack food they buy. I barely notice what it is that I'm eating anymore...there's no real point to it either. I'm not hungry, not really. They just tell me to eat three times a day, so I do. I admire those people who get home-cooked food all the time. I'm getting siCer and siCer, in the head, and time marches on. If I die while this diary is still in operation, I want Luce to add one last entry to it. Newspaper style, simply informing my diary that I was killed at a specific time and place. And if she wants to, she could send it off to a publisher and make some money so that she can support her desire to goto artsy school and get a job she'd love. That would be my last wish to grant. I want so much to be a spark in the night sky so people would wish on me. Pacing again. Damnitall. I woke up six hours ago, and I really want to call someone, but anyone I could call won't wake up for another couple hours. And I'm so bored, but I shouldn't be, because I have so much homework todo. No motivation. I just sit here and rubb the stubble on my head. *Fulise begins on Winamp (TM)*. *sigh*. Someday, I'll hear Becca playing this. Beautiful song. I finished the 'Joker' painting today. I'm gonna capture it on my digicam and mess around with it in PhotoShop (TM)...maybe put it in The Screw. Melodramatic. So bored. And so much todo. Coke. Yes, coke is what we need.
