Cult Of The Electric Pencil Sharpener
2001-02-14 - 23:30:22
Senior Superlatives are in. Jon (good roomie/friend/all-around-cool-guy) tied for �nicest smile� with Luke, who also got �most aesthetic from behind�. I was voted �most likely to start a cult�...by a nearly unanimous decision.
I�ve never kept track of Valentine�s Day. It seems to me that it�s a cheap excuse for non-romantics to perform run-of-the-mill actions that they believe are spontaneous. If someone really loves you, you�ll know; if only by the way they conduct themselves around you�how they make you happy, even on those overly sunny days when you wanna feel like shyt. And they will remind you every day, regardless of holidays, illness, or forced Jewish foreskin celebrations. Speaking of this �day of love�, I munched on Valentine�s candies today...those little sugary hearts that have messages stamped on them. Out of a random sample of eighty-eight candy hearts, six had illegible or non-existent messages. Thirty-two contained an egocentric message or containing the words �mine�, �I�, or �my� (I miss you, my man, fax me, etc.). Fifteen were commands, such as �love her�, �get real�, or �hug me�. Then I realized that nineteen of the egocentric candies were also commands. What all this means is that roughly 60% of the messages on these little hearts were self-centered, demanding, or misinterpreted. And we wonder why roughly half of all marriages in America fail. It�s gotta be the candies.
I resolved to kill Aaron (badd roomie) today. I carried an electric pencil sharpener around school by the chord, so that if I saw him in the hall, I�d be able to beat him to death with it. But if I met him in the room, I was gonna use an X-acto knife. He�s that annoying. He smells that bad. He snores that loudly when I�m trying to get a measly four hours of sleep. But I went out and smoked, and now I don�t wanna kill him. I just want to slice open all his stuffed animals, toss his worldly goods into the hall, and spit on him a few times. But by tomorrow, I�ll probably decide against that too.
I read a story the other day about how a girl had pierced her eyebrow in an effort to gain some �identity�. I got news for her. Identity cannot be bought on a shelf. Conforming to the trends of society by mutilating your own body doesn�t help establish a sense of individuality either. Identify just happens.
Sidenote: This week, we lost one student from possession of illegal substances, and another might be facing a five-year jail sentence for hacking. A third student was suspended for stealing from a nearby mall. That�s what happens when nerds get bored.
Lately, I�ve been feeling kinda...good. It�s a new thing, on the cutting edge of emotion technology for me. I sorta like it...but we�ll see how it goes. Another fly in my Jason�s Life Soup is that I�ve given up on neo-skinnerism. I just can�t justify the idea that no one is technically responsible for their own actions. But I�m still working on the theory of the Social Conscience (a spin-off of Jung�s Collective Unconscience)
�Rain. Like tin angels falling down. Like a mission and we�re halfway there...� �Marcy Playground
