Sunday Comix (Journal Entry the Thirteenth)
2000-10-03 - 20:39:56
Thoughts:
They tell me to write what I know. So I write about criminal thoughts, about being alone, sitting in the dark, imagining beasts beyond my vision. Chasing cars like a maniac. About my knack for stealing and my confused sexual desires. I write about the atrocities of the world, the neo-nazis of my dreams, the impulse to kill and be killed. I write about wishing for revenge, about wanting to shove a drill through someone�s skull.
They tell me to write more of what I know. I write about the fear of failure in such a large world, of having a mother who is always at death�s door. The pain of boredom, quenched by the pain or scorching my palms. About nearly falling off cliffs, lighting my hair on fire in church, smashing my face through a layer of ice, my father almost drowning me, of not looking before plunging into several busy streets.
They say once again to write what I know. I write about green pixy sticks and green five pointed plants, about jokes I�ve told and heard, about hypocrites and jesters. I write about far-fetched schemes and far-out ideas, about dancing in the moonlight and wishing for rain. About believing in Santa, and Christ, and true love.
I have written what I know, but know more to write. I write about watching the sun rise to the 21st century, waiting for a lunar eclipse in a frozen field, that first kiss. I look at my perceptions of my future, as a psychologist or FBI agent. I write about how things have changed me. From my first friend to my eighteenth birthday, I write about my love for writing.
The Best Day
��so what is your best day?�
�City Slickers
May 5, 2000:
On the previous night, I had gone on a walk with Amanda, just around town. Ran into Megan and Hannah Wilbur and talked for a while. I haven�t walked with Amanda for so long, and it was quite refreshing. Jon, one of my two roommates, had a concert; it was one of the best of his career. He had a large solo and directed another song, not to mention dedicating flowers to Sid and Mr. Helstrom. This is the day after my sister�s birthday.
May 6, 2000:
Best fuckin� day of my life. I wake up at 7:45, and had to rush a shower and get to SAT testing. They wouldn�t let me in the room without my ID, and had to run back to dorms to get it. Tested in Mr. O�Keefe�s room for 3 hours. I ate breakfast at 11:30, and then downtown for money, and spent most of the day around Cora, but not actually talking to her. I watched Kull the Conqueror from behind one of the couches What a stupid movie. About 7, Cora and I went out for dinner. We went to a German restaurant, the Lakeside Lodge and Resort in Canada. I ate Sourbruen, or something which sounded like it. Cora barely talked. When we were leaving, Charlie�s father, Craig, shouted from his car to a group of MSSMers that he was going to tell the border patrol that they were smuggling. At the border the gaurd asked what they were bringing back: ��any deserts? We have to confiscate those.� Craig, finding the man to have a sense of humor, continued with his plan. Went back to the dorms for a bit, then went to prom. Outside, we were �bunched� for a photo. I put my arm around Cora for a couple of photos. Inside the NCO club, there were very few people dancing. The DJ was playing songs that I associated with Dan Pelky�s DJ-ing. Early into the night, Muerl did some very nice interpretive dancing. I made him a crown out of fernthings from the tables with tape taken from the streamers and Cathy Todd-Brown�s help. Muerl in a tux was very cool. When they played I�m Too Sexy, Megan suggested that I go up and strip. I figured that it�s prom, and you don�t get a second chance to dance at your first prom. So I started a little late, but was later told that I had the best naked chest. Heidi came back from her one-week suspension that night, and we greeted each other with bearhugs. We danced to a couple songs together, and went outside for some fresh air. Lady In a Red Dress started playing, and we went in the back door. Heidi was wearing a red dress. We danced very close, and I fancied the thought of kissing her at the end of the song. But she turned her head, and thought she had left her scarfthing somewhere, even though it was around her neck. So the moment was ruined, and I went back to talk with Kate for a bit. Kate was Jon�s blind date for the prom, and the daughter of my host family. Jon had evidently left her sitting by herself for the second time, and was gone for about an hour. In that hour, we danced to several songs, and I made a couple jokes. I tied a balloon to my pants and one to her shoulder strap, which started a trend with several other people. My antics of sucking the helium out of the balloons seemed to catch on as well. And I played with the plastic stars on the table, making faces with them and putting them on my forehead. Kate and I aren�t the most coordinated of people, which led to a considerable amount of shin hits, which I really didn�t mind. But I suggested she stand on my feet so that I wouldn�t step on her toes. So we danced in this manner, which reminded me of fathers dancing with their daughters in movies. Kate was stunningly beautiful. Shortly afterward, Cora had Charlie tell me that she didn�t want me flirting with her, but I hadn�t done anything with her except danced one or twice. I don�t remember what song it was, but at some point I was dancing with Kate, and we kissed. I wasn�t expecting it, so the lips were a little off-target. I laughed for a bit, but I was elated inside. It was my first kiss. Later, we sat down, and I asked her if we could kiss again. She told me �in a little while�, so I waited about ten seconds, and asked her it had been a while. The rest of the night was sort of a blur, as we danced, and kissed some more. The DJ seemed to have gotten a lot better, and played Faith by Limp Bizcut. I nearly killed myself head banging to it, and could barely walk straight. But it was fun. YMCA was played near the end of the prom, and I had the best fun trying to do it in sign language. Kate laughed for so long. Cora went home with Emily Sanford. I took the last van, and because there was no seat left, sat on the floor next to the side door. I have not stopped smiling since.
