The Conk Shell: Explain-ed
2000-08-30 - 21:03:01
The conk shell is a real-life representation of Archimedes� spiral, a structure which represents the infinity of time, and the increasing claustrophobia of time. The oppression of the conk shell is a society�s obligation of an individual�s thought, enforced by the society in which the individual lives. Any society that a person lives in slowly forces individuals to think in a more and more narrow manner. So that eventually, the individual ceases to be an individual, and becomes part of the society, forcing the remaining individuals to obey the oppression of the conk shell. Those individuals are assimilated, and the downward spiral of conformity continues. Some people think they can escape conforming by being a non-conformist; but the non-conformists are just one more piece of the conk shell. To believe be a non-conformist is to be a conformist of non-conformist ideals, which are actually the same ideals that the conformists share.
Let us take a normal week of a normal person, a composite of 168 hours of what we call �life�: This is Jake. (Let us assume that Jake is a carbon-based life form; a composite of tiny rocks) Jake loves his life. (Let us assume then, that Jake is unaware that he is merely a composite of tiny rocks) Jake has 168 hours in each week of his �life�. (Here we must assume that Jake uses the Judeo-Christian calendar, and that Jake does not know that this measurement of time is arbitrary) Out of his 168 hours each week, he sleeps an average of 8 hours a day, or 56 hours a week. (hours which are also an arbitrary measurement of time, but useful for a point of reference in this entry) When Jake is not sleeping, he works. Jake spends 40 hours a week working at an ice-cream factory down the street. Because Jake is an average American, he spends an average of 15 hours a week driving his German-made car. Jake spends an average of 1.5 hours on each meal he eats (31.5 hours per week), between the preparation and consumption of the meal. He also spends 1 hour a day, or 7 hours a week, on human hygiene, so that he looks good to other humanthigns that are trying to look good for him. If all of this time is added up, we find that Jake has already used up a considerable amount of his week. In fact, Jake only has 18.5 hours in which to be �himself� each week. Jake admits that he spends roughly 2.5 hours a week to do miscellaneous tasks, such as his taxes, and taking his German-made car to be repaired. Which leaves Jake with 16 hours of �spare time�. Let�s assume that Jake is single, so his time is not currently occupied by attending his son�s baseball games, of his daughter�s football games. He has no one to cuddle with or have sex with. So, what does Jake do with his spare time? Jake likes to watch television, and go for �nights with the guys� once a week. So Jake spends the better part of every Tuesday drunk off his ass at a local bar (5 hours). Then he comes home and watches Survivor (TM). Actually, Jake spends an average of 8 hours a week sitting on his ratty couch, zoned in on the light from his television. Thus all of his entertainment has left him with 3 hours to defecate, scratch himself, and spend money.
Now consider what is happening to Jake while he watches TV. He *laughs*, he *cries*, he *holds* his pillow like the lover he wishes he had. And he sees commercials. According to Matt Etzler (1999), one hour of television contains roughly 14 minutes of commercials. Almost 25% of every hour of the quality time that he spends with his ratty couch is spent watching commercials. He spends nearly 2 hours of week being told how to look, and what to at like, and what his idea of beautiful should be. The advertisements runn by like trains flying off the track. Adds screaming �Use me�, �drive me�, �eat me�. Adds that the whole country is watching.
In his absence of mind and drunken episodes, Jake seems not to notice that he is an average person. He fails to observe that everyone lives more-or-less like he does, wasting their lives away in a sea of sleeping, eating, and watching TV. But Jake loves his life. That is the beauty of the Conk Shell.
And now, to add a little commic relief to this entry, I shall now disclose the stats on my seX-Men (TM) superhero, Captain Kink.
Name: Captain Kink
Superhero Powers: Supersexy Smile, and Heightened Sense for Porn
Superhero Equipment: Captain Kirk always carries an excessive amount of vibrating devices, lotsa rechargeable batteries, a short leather whip, an electric screwdriver, fuzzy handcuffs, and a gay man in his back pocket (gay man�s name is �Regi�, after the snake on Indiana Jones: The Lost Ark).
Other: He vibrates (all over) in ecstasy when he�s really horny. Uses the word Kumquats on place of female anatomical parts, and Cabbages for male anatomicals. Although the �Kinkman� is mostly straight, he has never had sex (not even with Regi), because his arch-nemesis �Pandafuck� removed his obliques (muscles on your lower back and sides) as a child, so he cannot do kumquat-gorging pelvic thrusts. This makes his 13� �Shlotty� very unhappy.
Background: �oh, Shlotty, bean me up!�
