Love: Explain-ed (Sir style)
2000-08-17 - 21:01:32
Person#1: 'Waiter, there's something in my soup.'
Waiter: 'Oh, don't worry, it's only a fly.'
Person#2: 'Miss! Excuse me, but there's something...something out there...on the wing!'
Stewardess: 'Oh, don't be afraid, that's...our new three-dimensional gremlin sticker.'
Person#3: 'Aghk! There's something crawling into my braaaiiin...'
Goblyn: 'Sorri, I'm jest getting a late-night snack.'
Sir#1: I hear you have met someone.
Sir#2: I have? Whomever do you mean?
Sir#1: Wel, there is this 'Buggygirl'...
Sir#2: Ah, her. *smiles* I met her a long time ago. Your informants must be slow.
Sir#1: My informants are the fastest in the land. I meant that you have met her in a more romantic sense.
Sir#2: You must redefine your definition of 'meeting' someone Sir. For I re-meet someone every time I blink my eyes. And I sometimes meet that someone in different senses than the last time we met, so some are, inevitably, going to be met in the more romantic sense.
Sir#1: But if I were to ask you when you met her, you would respond with only one experience, in which you truly met her.
Sir#2: That is true, but I would most likely tell you about the first time I met her, in which case, your informants are still tarrying on their way to your door.
Sir#1: Quite right...In any case, how long has she been viewed in a romantic sense?
Sir#2: For that question to be answered, one must redefine relationships as a whole. For there is the potential in each relationship to have romance, if you let it be so. And in that fashion, all people are viewed in a romantic sense, or rather, the potential for romance, at the least.
Sir#1: Then all of your friends are potential lovers...
Sir#2: I like to have a variety...there are many fish in the sea, and I have only so far tasted of three.
Sir#1: ...But still, none are so tasty as she.
Sir#2: That may very well be...
Sir#1: But whatever makes you think that you can have more than one mistress?
Sir#2: A Sir can have both a mistress and maid...
Sir#1: That he can, but a Sir can only truly have both if maid and mistress are one and the same. And it is frequent in such cases that the mistress makes a maid (and a fool besides!) out of the Sir.
Sir#2: Why speak you like this? One can surely have a multitude of lovers; why not at the same time?
Sir#1: Because time conks hard at the door of your conk shell. Society and polygamy, sadly, don't mix.
Sir#2: But I love in different ways. I love Vicki as my sweet little thug, and Rebecca as my cute and fragile babe. Kate because she was the first fish I was to taste, and as such will always have a special place in my heart. I love Luce in her thoughts and conversations, and Jenjen in her art, and in her appreciation for rats. I love Buggygirl like she is the piece of me that I never had. One could say I loved Mitch as well. He, in a sense, was my maker, and I his. All these people I love, but it is for each a separate type of love.
Sir#1: You and god both enjoy your eggs complicated side up, eh?
Sir#2: Complicate my eggs, and scramble my life...it is all the same to me.
Sir#1: Yes. There are different types of love, but there can be only one which will 'stand the test of time', so they says...
Sir#2: I know what they says.
Sir#1: So, do you think this is the one? Will you brush her off, like so many others?
Sir#2: She may be what they call 'the one', I know not yet. But I shall not brush her off, she does not deserve it, and I would be traitorous to myself in such an act.
Sir#1: Then do you plan to marry her?
Sir#2: I plan to not jump to conclusions, Sir. Marriage is for fools. It is but a legal document that gives one the right to get divorced.
Sir#1: Quite true...so what do you plan?
Sir#2: To live in peace in a little house, with a person I'll always love...you do not need marriage for that.
Sir#1: How then, do you hope to stay faithful?
Sir#2: You have been listening to your conk shell farr too long. If we are truly perfect for each other, then we satisfy the other's every need. And thus there is no reason to be unfaithful.
Sir#1: What about a child? Would you have it be a bastard?
Sir#2: I would not have it be a bastard; I would not have it at all.
Sir#1: You refuse the conk shell's demand of you to bear children?
Sir#2: If I were to change my mind and humor myself with a child, dear Sir, it would be a 'test tube baby', as they calls them. Less pain on the mother, and less worry on her lover, for the mother and her other.
Sir#1: *becomes bitter* You know, long-distance relationships never work...
Sir#2: That's what they says.
Sir#1: And sometimes they is right. It is better to let a dog outside than leaving it scratching at the door. Maybe she'll be happy with one of those MIT guys...
Sir#2: Shut up. *to himself*...she might be happier with someone else though...
Sir#1: And you shall never really know if she's telling you everything...
Sir#2: Damn you! Shut-
Sir#1: Oh yes, Mitch is going to MIT, isn't he?
