'Packing Blankets'
2000-08-15 - 16:56:41
Packing and unpacking, repacking and more packing. Put the stuff ina box, and put those boxes in another box, and those boxes in another...I'm going back to school on Saturday (moving in on Saturday that is).
Rendering rage, again...I WILL get Poser (TM), if it kills me. I have to find it, somewhere, someday. That truth is in the cards, on the wall, inside me somewhere. Physics. Pushups. And I can't stop thinking about her...If you were a plastic spoon, I'd shed my blood in the name of Art. If you were a goblin, I'd be your green. If you were you, I'd wish I was me.
I made a response to Uncie Bob's Question Of The Day (TM) yesterday. And like always, I screwed up. I spelled one word wrong. I spelled 'diaryland', of all words, wrong. That's like calling my mother 'Charlie'...very annoying. But I plan to post a couple more responses to UBQOTD before I go offto school.
Somehow, I stopped scaring myself. Today was the first time in months when I looked in a mirror, and didn't notice the bloodshot eyes, the blackness of my hair, the weird contours of my skull. I seem to have adjusted to the person I am now. I feel more like me. Enough, anyways, so that I'm not freaked out. Just slightly confused, in disbelief that the person on the other side of the mirror is the person in this side of the mirror. It strikes me as slightly odd that I wouldn't be able to identify myself in a criminal-style lineup. It strikes me as very odd that it took me 17 years to be decently comfortable with myself. I feel like my soul doesn't fit right. Most people keep their souls in their bodies, but maybe mine is slightly out-of-place. Maybe my soul is in someone else, and maybe I have hers. Maybe.
Sidenote: Yes, I've gone soft. I'm very sorry for those people that like to read my diary because I am constantly bitching about 'the system'. I'll bitch out the government again tomorrow, I promise. But not now...lord, make me chaotic, illogical, and reckless, but not yet. Until then, may the sweetest of dreamers dream of you, and may you dream of the sweetest dreamers as they dream.
