Sunday Comix (Journal Entry the Third)
2000-07-25 - Written 2000-2-13
Thoughts:
Dream
that movie was putting me to sleep cycles are one and a half hours long hard road outta hell is where sheep go back where you came from me to you have no time flies when your having fun is the point of life sucks, then you die�
it's all a dream...
the holy one is the loneliest number spinning into infinity traps me and you sit there with that guy in that place is where it all starts to live on vegetables so you don't have to eat the meat comes from a cow says moo�
it's all a dream...
you blackmail me I manipulate you are in trouble from what you know can't hurt you for the sake of it is not right or left it on the table at home is where your rump rests in a movie was putting me to sleep�
it's all a dream...
to Tip or Not to Tip?
(Disclaimer: the following essay is nonsense, and should never, under any circumstances, be considered to be true or used as the basis for formal debate or source of information)
When Man was a primitive beast, long long ago, as long ago as 17 days and longer, the race was in the habit of getting pounced on. Things are always pouncing on Man, and, contrary to popular hopes, the thing doing the pouncing is not always a Man of the opposite sex. Man has been pounced on by people and animals trying to kill Man, the overhyper dog or elephant (which also fits into the former category), and/or objects which are operating under the influence of gravity. Historically, the Quakers were a group of people who had an interesting effect on this pouncing procedure. Because the Quakers always wore largely brimmed hats, it became quite a problem when a Man had an inclination to pounce on the Quaker. Man would typically hit Man's head on the brim of the Quaker's hat, which is quite uncomfortable. Due to this uncomfortable pouncing, a group of Quakers was forced to come before King Edward III, (who was not ruling under the title of King, but rather Head Janitor On BINGO Night) to present their case about their hats. When they were greeting Edward (known to some of his friends as Ed), the Queen (who was currently known as Dixi Wreaked) tried to greet the Quakers in the general fashion: she pounced on them. Dixi was smacked in the head by the brim of the Quaker's hats and collapsed. Soon afterward, the Joker (who was currently known as Mind) reproduced the queens actions to entertain the rest of the court, (which didn't yet exist) and also collapsed as he smashed his head on the Quaker's hats, and then he rolled into a gutter. Ed (known to some of his friends as Ms. Teapot) made an exclamation: "What haveth you doneth?!? My Mind is ineth the guttereth and my poor Dixi Wreaked!" Which was quite true, and (after some chuckling) he banished the Quakers to live a pitiful existence in the now luxurious nation known as the United States. Nothing was ever heard from Ms. Teapot (known to some of his friends as Joe), or from the Quakers, who soon died out because they refused to be pounced on, and found it hard to propagate in this strange new land with their hats on. It was found later, however, that Joe's only friends were stuffed animals, and therefore he was never really called any of those names. It was also found that the Quakers never took their hats off because they all had Quaker Oats Pattern Baldness (AKA: QOPB), and did not want people to see their heads.
Back in America, a constitution was created, based on the unsuccessfulness of the Quakers. The first Amendment (which was later taken out) was that no people in the "new land" should be able to wear brimmed hats, in order that Man may propagate more easily. The Amendment was soon exchanged for the following Amendment: "No people in the US should be able to wear brimmed hats, in order that Man may propagate more easily." to "No people in our nation under God should be able to wear brimmed hats, in order that Man may propagate more easily, unless that Man is a redneck, in which case thet Man is forced to wear a largely brimmed hat."
Later on, in the Midwest, Cowboys tripped their hats. This was very odd behavior, because cowboys wore large hats, but would make a regular action to move their hat out of the way, in case anyone wanted to pounce them. (This behavior was picked up by the Men in England, as a way to selectively let people pounce on Man.) In the case of the Cowboys, it was not only a "please pounce on me" (to greet womenfolk) gesture, but also a threatening gesture, as "c'mon man, jest try and pounce on me" (used to irritate good poker players). This activity caught on so well that Cowboys would have draws, in which they would see who was quickest in tipping their hat to the other Cowboy. (They later used guns, because it was easier to tell who had won.)
So, remember that it is polite to tip One's hat if One thinks One has a chance to be pounced, or if one wishes to be pounced, but can be offensive if used threateningly, and it is of worthy note that it is more useful to tip One's hat if One does not know if One is to be pounced, because the excitement to being spontaneously pounced is eighty-two percent of the fun One gets from being pounced. Also, One must know that it is impolite to refrain from wearing a hat on a constant basis, in the light that some people do not have hair worthy of not wearing a hat (like the Quakers), and so are restricted to wearing a hat, which can understandably cause a hairless person to be upset.
