Junkie And his Sidekick, Opium Nostrils
2000-07-16 - 06:47:37
I have decided to quit weed. And I am doing this for the two universal reasons of quitting any drug. One: it's bad for me, and I should quit before I get cancer or drastically deplete my lung capacity. Two: I'm broke.
Sir#1: Do you have any hockey-pucks?
Sir#2: Nope. Go fish.
Sir#1: Damnitall...
Sir#2: Do you have a bit-of-string?
Sir#1: Hmm...are you cheating? Here, take it.
Sir#2: Oh, wouldn't dream of it, cheating's bad.
Sir#1: Alright, you have any turtlefeet?
Sir#2: Umm, lemmiesee...Go fish.
Sir#1: I sear your cheating...
Sir#2: Do you have any bars-of-soap?
Sir#1: This isn't fair, you must be cheating!
Sir#2: Sorry, I'm not. Maybe you just haven't come to terms with the fact that I am better at Miscellaneous Go Fish than you are. So your calling me a cheater is a way for you to compromise your loss with the idea that I am not playing fair. And even if I was cheating, it's only a game.
Sir#1: So you admit to it!
Sir#2: No, I simply said that...
Sir#1: You...tracer. Tracer tracer, turkey-baster!
Sir#2: Do you call me a turkey-baster, sir?
Sir#1: Oh dear me no...but I do call a turkey-baster.
Sir#2: You uncouth scandalizer or rabbits!
Sir#1: Oh, such large words, for such a small Sir...
Sir#2: To battle then.
Sir#1: Yes, I suppose it's about time for a battle.
Sir#2: With what shall we battle?
Sir#1: I choose...mittens.
Sir#2: *gasp* Quite the dangerous item, mittens. I choose...an umbrella.
Sir#1: No fair, no fair! An umbrella has been used in a murder!
Sir#2: It has? damn. Then shall choose...a very large pair of underwear.
Narrator: And so the Sirs battled. Then they got into a real tumble-and-pummel, and there was much chewing of hair, and twisting of arms. Sir#1 used his mittens to *ploph* with deadly force, but Sir#2 nearly choked Sir#1 with the elastic upon several occasions. They battled in the mountains, and under the seas. The battled on the frosty plains and near the fields of Equator. Sir#1 put a rock in one mitten and knocked Sir#2 to the ground, but he promptly recovered and used the underwear to fling stones at Sir#1. Sir#1 abducted a sheep, and attempted to trample Sir#2, but the sheep just stood there and made sheepnoises. Sir#2 used the underwear at a net, and threw it over Sir#1, but Sir#1 was crafty, and escaped though a leg-hole. And so they battled on...
Sir#1: Geb yah umbawar ouha my mouf!
Sir#2: Geb yah miums ouha mime!
Narrator: And so they came to a standstill, each having the other's weapon in his mouth. And they both went to the hospital for many days.
